Its been a while since that last SMS that you sent, how are you? Word is you're doing great :-)
So I want to tell you something - that we all think is very special about you;
Ever since I met you and welcomed the new side of our family, well we always said that you were so mature, like an adult in a child's body. Everything from the way your eyes looked at me, all the way to the things you said to me and even the words you use to describe the most simplest things...like the Simpsons made me feel like I wasn't just speaking or looking at a boy, but instead a man...ever since I met you when you were only 3 :-) your eyes, your voice, your demeanor, you have always been so mature and that makes me SO proud.
That's why I know you didn't leave us as a child with life lessons to learn, but as an old soul with only a few lessons that you needed to learn while you were with us and in body. I only know of some of the lessons you
learned...I can only imagine what else you learned and how you came away from it like a prince...a true Prince of Persia...even if you are only a 1/4 Persian...lolz.
It makes me so happy to know your love and I'm proud to call you my nephew, always.
In your honor we now have November 28th to add to our yearly celebrations, thank you...and thanks for coming to me during my meditation.
I'll see you in a while...probably around Springfield - with all my love...Amir
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving
It's me again instead of Amir.
The story of the Young Guy touched me when I heard it. During past 7 months, Amir and I talked about C a lot and tried to make sense of it and shine some light into it. All at sudden, the night after his birthday, a friend helped me to see it. Doc.H, as the best friend of Talla, came to visit and ask a question from Amir. She had a very important question to ask; HOW DID YOU DO IT ?????????
Yes, she wanted to find out the SECRET to share and help her patients. When she explained that when Bilirubin goes up(over 5) usually doesn't come down, no matter what.....I was shocked and I am so happy I didn't know it 6 months ago!
It meant, Amir was saved only by miracle as Doc B also said so many times that, the Billi magically is coming down!
It started to make sense. Now it's his turn to share his SECRET with others helping them through their life's ADVENTURES and how to be happy. Isn't it one of the first amendments: In pursue of happiness....
Today is the Thanksgiving day in US I am so grateful to have Amir and Talla, my family, friends and all of those 600 followers on this blog in our life. Happy Thanksgiving and be happy...
Maman Afsaneh
The story of the Young Guy touched me when I heard it. During past 7 months, Amir and I talked about C a lot and tried to make sense of it and shine some light into it. All at sudden, the night after his birthday, a friend helped me to see it. Doc.H, as the best friend of Talla, came to visit and ask a question from Amir. She had a very important question to ask; HOW DID YOU DO IT ?????????
Yes, she wanted to find out the SECRET to share and help her patients. When she explained that when Bilirubin goes up(over 5) usually doesn't come down, no matter what.....I was shocked and I am so happy I didn't know it 6 months ago!
It meant, Amir was saved only by miracle as Doc B also said so many times that, the Billi magically is coming down!
It started to make sense. Now it's his turn to share his SECRET with others helping them through their life's ADVENTURES and how to be happy. Isn't it one of the first amendments: In pursue of happiness....
Today is the Thanksgiving day in US I am so grateful to have Amir and Talla, my family, friends and all of those 600 followers on this blog in our life. Happy Thanksgiving and be happy...
Maman Afsaneh
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Some young guy
Hey gang, I have a great story to share with you.
A few nights ago my friend Dr H came to visit with her not-so-little brother. We've known each other since we were kids and she's more like a little sister to me than a friend...
Well she had a story to tell me, she works in an LA hospital where apparently Bili Love has a few readers in the form of doctors & nurses...well one of these fans is helping a young guy in his 30s heal and maneuver through his cancer experience...sounds familiar?!?
So the young guy is going through some hard time mentally and what does the doctor prescribe to him...not another pill or shot to make the pain go away, but instead he prints out I Love You Bilirubin and gives it to him as some light reading...and apparently it works...my writing, your comments, and our good vibes helped him come out of a cyclical anxiety state and is helping him find the strength to heal again...how amazing!
Well here's to you Dr feelgood, to you young guy, and to everyone...have a happy Thanksgiving and be happy.
LOVE
A few nights ago my friend Dr H came to visit with her not-so-little brother. We've known each other since we were kids and she's more like a little sister to me than a friend...
Well she had a story to tell me, she works in an LA hospital where apparently Bili Love has a few readers in the form of doctors & nurses...well one of these fans is helping a young guy in his 30s heal and maneuver through his cancer experience...sounds familiar?!?
So the young guy is going through some hard time mentally and what does the doctor prescribe to him...not another pill or shot to make the pain go away, but instead he prints out I Love You Bilirubin and gives it to him as some light reading...and apparently it works...my writing, your comments, and our good vibes helped him come out of a cyclical anxiety state and is helping him find the strength to heal again...how amazing!
Well here's to you Dr feelgood, to you young guy, and to everyone...have a happy Thanksgiving and be happy.
LOVE
Sunday, November 21, 2010
HealingPaq - Introduction - I practice energy healing and emission to help myself & others
Hey who knows Amean, he has a great weekly show on meditation, healing, and setting your intentions on the good parts of life. Check out the audio below and go to healingpaq.org for some good info and articles.
His show is at 5pm every Friday on BlogTalkRadio.com
http://www.healingpaq.org/audio/HPAQ_Intro_I_practice.mp3
LOVE
His show is at 5pm every Friday on BlogTalkRadio.com
http://www.healingpaq.org/audio/HPAQ_Intro_I_practice.mp3
LOVE
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Its my 1st birthday
Well today is my birthday, yup I live to see another year come to me filled with many adventures...so funny thing is, the past year was filled with adventures too, and some of them I can't remember...chalk it up to my brain telling me "Well we can forget this memory ... for now". Forget, but not without lessons.
A few weeks ago I told you I was going to write about how it felt. To feel, it's what all of us conceive our reality by, touch, smell, and so on...
How did I feel, all of you know I was at a point of tilt in my life...one tilt I was here, one tilt - I'll see you when you get here...well before May 16th I feared one of these tilts, but in the moment I simply felt content and full of purpose. Many months ago I remember hearing an angel ask me to stay here...last weekend it turned out RN was the one who whispered it to me during my drug induced state...hehehe.
Truth is I had so much fearfulness around me and about me, and for the first time in my life I felt purpose for life, a choice to be happy and just be.
How did it feel when Dr H told me I have something in me - a lot of cold chills starting from my testicles all the way up to my crown, but when we were in the moment, all the fear went away. I don't mean I wasn't scared of the unknown. Yes I am, but I am less fearful of the big dirt nap now as I am fearful of not seeing my mom every day, not laughing with my sister about our s.f. inside jokes...and not swimming another lap in a godly cold pool at 7 in the morning.
I once read somewhere that the secret to life is breath...well now I know the secret to life is purpose...purpose to be happy and purpose to just be. Today I'm 32, and my purpose is to heal and be here for a long time and love every moment through it. So here's a happy birthday to me and happy living to all of us...not living with your breath, but living with your purpose and love around us.
Thank you to everyone who called me, emailed me, SMS'd me just to say I love you.
LOVE,
Amir
---
“ We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing,
at whatever cost, must be attained. ” - Marie Curie (1867–1934)
A few weeks ago I told you I was going to write about how it felt. To feel, it's what all of us conceive our reality by, touch, smell, and so on...
How did I feel, all of you know I was at a point of tilt in my life...one tilt I was here, one tilt - I'll see you when you get here...well before May 16th I feared one of these tilts, but in the moment I simply felt content and full of purpose. Many months ago I remember hearing an angel ask me to stay here...last weekend it turned out RN was the one who whispered it to me during my drug induced state...hehehe.
Truth is I had so much fearfulness around me and about me, and for the first time in my life I felt purpose for life, a choice to be happy and just be.
How did it feel when Dr H told me I have something in me - a lot of cold chills starting from my testicles all the way up to my crown, but when we were in the moment, all the fear went away. I don't mean I wasn't scared of the unknown. Yes I am, but I am less fearful of the big dirt nap now as I am fearful of not seeing my mom every day, not laughing with my sister about our s.f. inside jokes...and not swimming another lap in a godly cold pool at 7 in the morning.
I once read somewhere that the secret to life is breath...well now I know the secret to life is purpose...purpose to be happy and purpose to just be. Today I'm 32, and my purpose is to heal and be here for a long time and love every moment through it. So here's a happy birthday to me and happy living to all of us...not living with your breath, but living with your purpose and love around us.
Thank you to everyone who called me, emailed me, SMS'd me just to say I love you.
LOVE,
Amir
---
“ We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing,
at whatever cost, must be attained. ” - Marie Curie (1867–1934)
Friday, October 22, 2010
Go Bili!!!
So today was my happy hour before my bi week, which falls on haloween weekend. That's already some good news, and the better news is that Bili is at a cool 1.0!!!!
Go Bili :-)
LOVE
Go Bili :-)
LOVE
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Here's An Update About My Nephew Matt
A Journal entry from Matt's dad, Don:
Hello everyone, It's with a cautious heart that I share today's news, yes it's good :)
I met with Dr Dorn today, Matt's radiologist, and we reviewed the X-ray from yesterday as well as briefly discussed the MRI of Matt's brain.
The results are 'not common'. Normally it takes radiation quite some time to take effect as in 3-4 weeks with the major results coming @ about 6-8 weeks. Quite simply the tumors are melting, we don't know if it's the radiation, the cesium, the hydrogen or a combination of everything but his hilem, the area between his lungs that was swelling and putting pressure on his vena cava has shrunk already by ONE THIRD! Matthew asked Dr Dorn if this was normal and he said "very often no, it normally takes quite a bit more time". WHO CARES! It's shrinking!
On to the brain, Matthew had a MRI with contrast. Contrast is used because of the robust activity of cancer cells it's uptake is much quicker of the contrast so it "lights up" on the scans better. They were able to see the lesions in his brain but there was NO UPTAKE of the contrast. This would indicate the tissue is dead and not active!
All of this news is such an incredible turn from where we were a month ago. They were telling us to "go home" , "take a vacation"!
As you can imagine as a parent it's very hard to manage this kind of information and stay balanced. We will continue to move on and it appears that the bone marrow/stem cell transplant is looming on the agenda if all continues this way.
Matthews spirits are amazing! He is SO HEALTHY! Jumping around, went for a walk with mom yesterday and broke into a run across the park in the grass. He's wrestling with Cargo and playing with all the energy and vigor of a 13 year old.
Thank you to everyone for all your prayers, support, generosity, compassion, thoughtfulness, and love. This experience has taken all members of this family to some incredibly scary and incredibly wonderful places all @ the same time...
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/matthewwilkins
LOVE
Hello everyone, It's with a cautious heart that I share today's news, yes it's good :)
I met with Dr Dorn today, Matt's radiologist, and we reviewed the X-ray from yesterday as well as briefly discussed the MRI of Matt's brain.
The results are 'not common'. Normally it takes radiation quite some time to take effect as in 3-4 weeks with the major results coming @ about 6-8 weeks. Quite simply the tumors are melting, we don't know if it's the radiation, the cesium, the hydrogen or a combination of everything but his hilem, the area between his lungs that was swelling and putting pressure on his vena cava has shrunk already by ONE THIRD! Matthew asked Dr Dorn if this was normal and he said "very often no, it normally takes quite a bit more time". WHO CARES! It's shrinking!
On to the brain, Matthew had a MRI with contrast. Contrast is used because of the robust activity of cancer cells it's uptake is much quicker of the contrast so it "lights up" on the scans better. They were able to see the lesions in his brain but there was NO UPTAKE of the contrast. This would indicate the tissue is dead and not active!
All of this news is such an incredible turn from where we were a month ago. They were telling us to "go home" , "take a vacation"!
As you can imagine as a parent it's very hard to manage this kind of information and stay balanced. We will continue to move on and it appears that the bone marrow/stem cell transplant is looming on the agenda if all continues this way.
Matthews spirits are amazing! He is SO HEALTHY! Jumping around, went for a walk with mom yesterday and broke into a run across the park in the grass. He's wrestling with Cargo and playing with all the energy and vigor of a 13 year old.
Thank you to everyone for all your prayers, support, generosity, compassion, thoughtfulness, and love. This experience has taken all members of this family to some incredibly scary and incredibly wonderful places all @ the same time...
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/matthewwilkins
LOVE
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Bili-Tube Change Number ???
Well after a great weekend with Talla n' the gang it was time for an oil change. On Monday I visited my pals at Club Scripps IR to see if it was time for my Bili-tubes to be replaced.
Recently I've been keeping myself unplugged for like 22 hours+ every day, but that doesn't mean I am blind to the tubes...and sure enough I did.
So here we are after 24 hours at LJ Club Scripps with Maman Afsaneh by my side, we return with some great news (woohooo)... Well Dr B told us that my Blood Cancer Marker is down at a cool 7.6 (3 is normal)...
Exciting news and I feel fantastic... Now it's almost time to start buying the flight tix and plan where we should visit next...
LOVE
Recently I've been keeping myself unplugged for like 22 hours+ every day, but that doesn't mean I am blind to the tubes...and sure enough I did.
So here we are after 24 hours at LJ Club Scripps with Maman Afsaneh by my side, we return with some great news (woohooo)... Well Dr B told us that my Blood Cancer Marker is down at a cool 7.6 (3 is normal)...
Exciting news and I feel fantastic... Now it's almost time to start buying the flight tix and plan where we should visit next...
LOVE
Saturday, October 9, 2010
About Time To Meet RN
Well, I think it's time to show off Rebecca, aka RN, Team AIC, and Bella. Becca's one of my biggest fans, PJ's official food taster, and an honorary Persian...enjoy :-)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Hey Hey Hey What A Great Day!
Well, it's been a great day. I started it by driving up to Anaheim to join RN for a real estate convention which revolved around technology...part of my training to go out of my comfort zone and learn all I can. The scene was interesting, but not as interesting as the news I got from Dr. B and my scans...and (drum rolls)...my physical insides is feeling as good as my soul.
Everything is shrinking and disappearing :-) my limp nodes are back to healthy normal...my lungs are tumor free...and all my other Tumors have shrunk 33% to 66%,Yay!!!
Well with this news in my heart I called my mom, shed some tears, then grabbed RN's hand and headed straight to Disneyland...yes the happiest place on earth, to celebrate life.
Imagine this, in my DNA there's a cure for this type of cancer...imagine how I can help save lives after my healing path has come to an end...what a great path! What a great day...what a beautiful life...sharing is caring and healing is divine. I'm so happy that I can share this news with all of you.
LOVE
Everything is shrinking and disappearing :-) my limp nodes are back to healthy normal...my lungs are tumor free...and all my other Tumors have shrunk 33% to 66%,Yay!!!
Well with this news in my heart I called my mom, shed some tears, then grabbed RN's hand and headed straight to Disneyland...yes the happiest place on earth, to celebrate life.
Imagine this, in my DNA there's a cure for this type of cancer...imagine how I can help save lives after my healing path has come to an end...what a great path! What a great day...what a beautiful life...sharing is caring and healing is divine. I'm so happy that I can share this news with all of you.
LOVE
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Bats Aren't Scary Afterall
Something really cool happened to me last night...
Behind my house we have a very serene tropical path filled with bridges (ok just 2 of them), a waterfall and some great energy.
Since we have a competing scene in-front of our patio...the beautiful RB Inn Golf Resort followed by rolling San Diego hills and 2 crosses on either side looking over us...I only discovered the waterfall by accident about a month ago when I decided then to put that extra stride in my snail like walking pace and found my favorite place to meditate because of it.
Usually my morning meditation is started with a strong espresso shot that I take with me on the waterfall walk and my nightly meditation to the waterfall lets me enjoy some Bob Marley grooving steady along with the flowing streams alongside the waterfall.
Well last night as I was finishing my Om I was startled by a bat that barely missed my face by a wingspan...damn that scared the shit outta' me but now that I look back and actually read about bats online - symbolically it's the best thing that could have happened to me.
Here's how it went...I was just finishing my last Om to the unified consciousness and all of a sudden this dark beast of a 1/2 fool long bat comes and makes me wonder if I have to change my underwear now!
So here's what a bat means:
Bat - A symbol of good fortune in the East
Bat Totem - Awakening to New Horizons
A visit from the bat could signify time of change or transformation or heightened intuition.
Bat Totem Visitation - The bat totem can trigger change or transformation. Its visit can be a warning that change will soon occur and not to be afraid. Sometimes the bat is a symbol for facing ones fears.
Now that's a long way from my fortune-less fortune cookie back in May...now off to yoga...Ciao
LOVE
Behind my house we have a very serene tropical path filled with bridges (ok just 2 of them), a waterfall and some great energy.
Since we have a competing scene in-front of our patio...the beautiful RB Inn Golf Resort followed by rolling San Diego hills and 2 crosses on either side looking over us...I only discovered the waterfall by accident about a month ago when I decided then to put that extra stride in my snail like walking pace and found my favorite place to meditate because of it.
Usually my morning meditation is started with a strong espresso shot that I take with me on the waterfall walk and my nightly meditation to the waterfall lets me enjoy some Bob Marley grooving steady along with the flowing streams alongside the waterfall.
Well last night as I was finishing my Om I was startled by a bat that barely missed my face by a wingspan...damn that scared the shit outta' me but now that I look back and actually read about bats online - symbolically it's the best thing that could have happened to me.
Here's how it went...I was just finishing my last Om to the unified consciousness and all of a sudden this dark beast of a 1/2 fool long bat comes and makes me wonder if I have to change my underwear now!
So here's what a bat means:
Bat - A symbol of good fortune in the East
Bat Totem - Awakening to New Horizons
A visit from the bat could signify time of change or transformation or heightened intuition.
Bat Totem Visitation - The bat totem can trigger change or transformation. Its visit can be a warning that change will soon occur and not to be afraid. Sometimes the bat is a symbol for facing ones fears.
Now that's a long way from my fortune-less fortune cookie back in May...now off to yoga...Ciao
LOVE
Monday, October 4, 2010
Guess Who's Got His GrOOvE Back
Wow what a great day...week...month...
Starting last week I finally feel like I'm back, better/smarter than ever. Here's what's been going on with me...on Saturday & today I joined the easy spirited in my local yoga class! It's such a joy to be able to do so after almost 4.x months.
And on Saturday I was RN's +1 at her friends wedding where we were not only the best looking couple - but also the best dancers on the floor...I always knew I didn't need alcohol to channel my inner 'dances w/ the stars' self :-) and my partner...WOWZERS!!!!
Not to mention last Tuesday/Thursday I started biking, jogging, and lifting some whopping 8lb dumbbells at the gym...I can probably lift much heavier weights, but gotta' be careful about straining my center core...after all I still have 2 plugs sticking out of me, although there's some great news about that too...since about 2 weeks ago I've been unplugging myself for more than 20 hours each day...another step closer to unplugging from the cancer matrix...
Imagine that, 2 months ago I was walking at a snails pace and only with a cane and today I'm feeling $$$. It's amazing what good care and positive intentions can do for us all.
Oh and tomorrow I have my next CT scan...please keep praying for me as I can feel each and every one of your thoughts and words...to tell you the truth I really don't feel like I have cancer anymore...and as soon as the docs agree I'm gonna' start leading my own yoga class and more!
So a few days ago a young neighbor friend of mine asked me a profound question which I've never actually verbalized and extended on to others...her question was simple...it was "How did you feel when it all happened?"...damn that's a good question, now for the answer...after some words from our sponsors...To Be Continued.
LOVE
Starting last week I finally feel like I'm back, better/smarter than ever. Here's what's been going on with me...on Saturday & today I joined the easy spirited in my local yoga class! It's such a joy to be able to do so after almost 4.x months.
And on Saturday I was RN's +1 at her friends wedding where we were not only the best looking couple - but also the best dancers on the floor...I always knew I didn't need alcohol to channel my inner 'dances w/ the stars' self :-) and my partner...WOWZERS!!!!
Not to mention last Tuesday/Thursday I started biking, jogging, and lifting some whopping 8lb dumbbells at the gym...I can probably lift much heavier weights, but gotta' be careful about straining my center core...after all I still have 2 plugs sticking out of me, although there's some great news about that too...since about 2 weeks ago I've been unplugging myself for more than 20 hours each day...another step closer to unplugging from the cancer matrix...
Imagine that, 2 months ago I was walking at a snails pace and only with a cane and today I'm feeling $$$. It's amazing what good care and positive intentions can do for us all.
Oh and tomorrow I have my next CT scan...please keep praying for me as I can feel each and every one of your thoughts and words...to tell you the truth I really don't feel like I have cancer anymore...and as soon as the docs agree I'm gonna' start leading my own yoga class and more!
So a few days ago a young neighbor friend of mine asked me a profound question which I've never actually verbalized and extended on to others...her question was simple...it was "How did you feel when it all happened?"...damn that's a good question, now for the answer...after some words from our sponsors...To Be Continued.
LOVE
Monday, September 27, 2010
Revolution Of The Mind
My friend Lilly G sent this video...it's a great song and tells the story that most of us live.
LOVE
LOVE
Monday, September 20, 2010
A Father Of A 31 Years Old
So I've asked everyone who has been close to me and my healing to share their stories with me as inspiration and entertainment...we all know maman Afsaneh has a lot to say and RN can write a novel in one sitting, well here's my story as told by my dad, a man of few words - but when he speaks, he means every word.
---
God has mysterious ways and we are unable to comprehend it.
I am, like so many other friends and relatives, even numerous other caring soles, PRAY for his fast recovery and good health for him and I am sure that he is also believes that with positive outlook and a little help from his strong body, along with medial cares he will be the happy Amir and the lively flower of mine. I love you and please recover soon.
---
What shock! for a father of a 31 years old, athletic and on top of his world.I like to share my deepest feelings with you and your friends. I do not know how to start and reviewing my journey into the small universe of mine?
Amir came to my life with his eyes open when they rolled him out of the operating room, and still I see his wonderful and expressive eyes, with a world of hopes, after he was finished with his procedures,open and looking kindly at me and his mother. It never cross my mind that a day arrives and I am informed that my young man is suffering with cancer. It was like a 40 lb sledge hammer, with a powerful swing, hit me on the head, I was dazed and so confused of this situation and could not stop my tears running down my face and hide it from my 91years old mother.It was like a script out of the movie land, unbelievable and heart wrenching. How could this happen to my son and specially to me???!!!!!
Amir came to my life with his eyes open when they rolled him out of the operating room, and still I see his wonderful and expressive eyes, with a world of hopes, after he was finished with his procedures,open and looking kindly at me and his mother. It never cross my mind that a day arrives and I am informed that my young man is suffering with cancer. It was like a 40 lb sledge hammer, with a powerful swing, hit me on the head, I was dazed and so confused of this situation and could not stop my tears running down my face and hide it from my 91years old mother.It was like a script out of the movie land, unbelievable and heart wrenching. How could this happen to my son and specially to me???!!!!!
God has mysterious ways and we are unable to comprehend it.
With some uncontrollable delay, I arrived to be with him and thanks to God his mother and the beloved sister had taken care of him with the best of their abilities and an excellent medical establishment in San Diego.
I am ever thankful to Afsaneh for her dedications and withstanding the heavy pressures of of working and ,at the same time, giving motherly care to my Amir.
I am, like so many other friends and relatives, even numerous other caring soles, PRAY for his fast recovery and good health for him and I am sure that he is also believes that with positive outlook and a little help from his strong body, along with medial cares he will be the happy Amir and the lively flower of mine. I love you and please recover soon.
~Baba
---
LOVE
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
My favorite Sh_ _ Falker blackmailing me
So I debated for a long time about putting these videos on the net and these videos almost caused my first imaginary fight with RN, which of course in my paranoid morphine state, sounded like the right thing to do - (Ummm..she was the captain of her debate team, so hind-sights 20/20).
I hope you get a good laugh about them...2 surgeries in 1 week and I'm freakin' funny...next showing will cost you some hugs n kisses...
LOVE
I hope you get a good laugh about them...2 surgeries in 1 week and I'm freakin' funny...next showing will cost you some hugs n kisses...
LOVE
Back from Club Scripps
Well I just thought of something(now that Dilauded is wearing off from my weekend at club Scripps and my memory is hazily coming back)...before I got outa the hospital my doc B said "let's do a blood test n c if your bilirubin will MAGICALLY come down again"
Well it did(1.9 from 2.8(I think)) and my cancer marker ( important when it's down / not important when it's up) is now at 8...in July it rose to above 60...as my uncle A would say "Wow Barbara!!!"
The doctors dnt know why I'm healing but I am healing and all of us know why... It's the power of love, self healing, and choosing to be HAPPY...yes it's a choice and sometimes a very difficult choice but we can choose because we weren't designed we were created to survive (Fetsum, 2010).
LOVE
Well it did(1.9 from 2.8(I think)) and my cancer marker ( important when it's down / not important when it's up) is now at 8...in July it rose to above 60...as my uncle A would say "Wow Barbara!!!"
The doctors dnt know why I'm healing but I am healing and all of us know why... It's the power of love, self healing, and choosing to be HAPPY...yes it's a choice and sometimes a very difficult choice but we can choose because we weren't designed we were created to survive (Fetsum, 2010).
LOVE
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Party Weekend!
It's been an exciting weekend starting last Friday. For a few days before Friday I was running a pretty impressive fever and on Friday I began feeling some major pain in my belly and quickly self diagnosed myself as having an inner bile leak because the plumbers at IR did some tune-up and oil change work on me last Tuesday.
Well, both my mom and I deserve a PhD for self diagnosing the situation and managing my care to prevent a disaster like last time (circa 1 month of fevers and a bile boil the size of a ping-pong ball aspirated from my mid-belly)...
And of course it's not a fun party until we get things complicated....right, Fridays are also my Chemo days usually starting at 1:30pm and done a few hour after...well this journey began at 9am with a call to Dr. B's mobile, then a visit to IR for an ultrasound (it's twin boys!!!) and then checking into the hospital for the weekend.
Believe me I didn't like the situation (or pain) at all...and unfortunately my sweet n beautiful mother got the brunt of my bad mood for a while...It was almost a joke, I would say something - then immediately say something like "Wow I'm a jerk...sorry mom :-) " Lucky for her & I, my attention was directed away from her and onto my nurse from HELL!!!
Then comes Saturday and for the first time my dad was there to see me in the hospital and going into the surgery, smiley faced and ready to heal.
And at 10am, after fasting for over 14 hours I go to IR with so much aspiration to get aspirated from my belly...the team was ready down there and after some good drugs I woke up to my mom's smiling face over me and almost no pain in my belly...woooohooo!
Now here's some even better news, after looking at the ultrasound the radiologist said "...I can't see the tumors...", now he also said that ultrasound isn't the best imaging tool for tumors, but I spoke with my Dr B. and with a sheepish smile on my face stated that it means I don't have tumors anymore....and by his reaction it just might be a (very very very slight) possibility!!!! and I don't doubt it for one minute...there's a possibility!
Our body wasn't designed, it is created to survive and with a healthy soul/mind and healthy lifestyle I, we, and the collective consciousness are very powerful and can achieve great things. The only drawback is not losing ourselves in one self...there must always be alkaline, and to achieve alkaline I/we/the collective souls need to practice balancing the Mind/Soul, Ego/Survival/, and Body.
Connecting alkaline helps you live in a state of continuous and contagious love, joy, peace, and compassion, of course living in your balance will keep the thought body, emotional body, and physical body healthy, happy, and ready to heal...everything :-)
LOVE
Well, both my mom and I deserve a PhD for self diagnosing the situation and managing my care to prevent a disaster like last time (circa 1 month of fevers and a bile boil the size of a ping-pong ball aspirated from my mid-belly)...
And of course it's not a fun party until we get things complicated....right, Fridays are also my Chemo days usually starting at 1:30pm and done a few hour after...well this journey began at 9am with a call to Dr. B's mobile, then a visit to IR for an ultrasound (it's twin boys!!!) and then checking into the hospital for the weekend.
Believe me I didn't like the situation (or pain) at all...and unfortunately my sweet n beautiful mother got the brunt of my bad mood for a while...It was almost a joke, I would say something - then immediately say something like "Wow I'm a jerk...sorry mom :-) " Lucky for her & I, my attention was directed away from her and onto my nurse from HELL!!!
Then comes Saturday and for the first time my dad was there to see me in the hospital and going into the surgery, smiley faced and ready to heal.
And at 10am, after fasting for over 14 hours I go to IR with so much aspiration to get aspirated from my belly...the team was ready down there and after some good drugs I woke up to my mom's smiling face over me and almost no pain in my belly...woooohooo!
Now here's some even better news, after looking at the ultrasound the radiologist said "...I can't see the tumors...", now he also said that ultrasound isn't the best imaging tool for tumors, but I spoke with my Dr B. and with a sheepish smile on my face stated that it means I don't have tumors anymore....and by his reaction it just might be a (very very very slight) possibility!!!! and I don't doubt it for one minute...there's a possibility!
Our body wasn't designed, it is created to survive and with a healthy soul/mind and healthy lifestyle I, we, and the collective consciousness are very powerful and can achieve great things. The only drawback is not losing ourselves in one self...there must always be alkaline, and to achieve alkaline I/we/the collective souls need to practice balancing the Mind/Soul, Ego/Survival/, and Body.
Connecting alkaline helps you live in a state of continuous and contagious love, joy, peace, and compassion, of course living in your balance will keep the thought body, emotional body, and physical body healthy, happy, and ready to heal...everything :-)
LOVE
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
whattfjusthappenedtome.blogspot.com
Dear loved ones
I am dictating this post to my mom because I'm still too hangover to concentrate on a computer screen.
The love you share for me has given me a powerful feeling which is unbreakable. You are all a large inspiring and emotionally fulfilling part of my healing, and I know that each and everyone of us has taken part and evolved into better person in the past 4 months.
This why I want to remind you about the new website we created to continue helping each other.
The website is: whattfjusthappenedtome.blogspot.com
The password is: whatthef
We all have moments of need and time to help, and this is why whattfjusthappenedtome.blogspot.com has been created.
Please, help us grow this infinite circle of love, trust, and healing by visiting the website frequently to contribute both as a giver and receiver. We all have human needs to find help and the divine power to heal by giving help, so feel free to follow, write, contribute, and most importantly promote the website so that others in need may find out and hopefully find peace through our circle of LOVE.
I am dictating this post to my mom because I'm still too hangover to concentrate on a computer screen.
The love you share for me has given me a powerful feeling which is unbreakable. You are all a large inspiring and emotionally fulfilling part of my healing, and I know that each and everyone of us has taken part and evolved into better person in the past 4 months.
This why I want to remind you about the new website we created to continue helping each other.
The website is: whattfjusthappenedtome.blogspot.com
The password is: whatthef
We all have moments of need and time to help, and this is why whattfjusthappenedtome.blogspot.com has been created.
Please, help us grow this infinite circle of love, trust, and healing by visiting the website frequently to contribute both as a giver and receiver. We all have human needs to find help and the divine power to heal by giving help, so feel free to follow, write, contribute, and most importantly promote the website so that others in need may find out and hopefully find peace through our circle of LOVE.
I love you BiliRubin, by Maman Afsaneh
Yes I love Bili and so proud of… (what can I say: he/she/it! Farsi is much easier you just say: it).
Asking Why? After 4 months of being wild, naughty and spoiled, finally got the message and started to act NORMAL, a little on high side but NORMAL: 1.6 It’s the best news in 4 months for us and so promising…
Well, he feels good, gained a few pounds (even with my healthy, green cooking), goes to the gym (short sessions), plays Guitar (getting first lessons and he has talent, it sounds good!), of course painting (Cancer is My Art show is coming up) and plans his travel (as soon as the tubes are out and starting with Hawaii, are you ready Team Amir?)…did I say a little help around the house when I am at work!!?
He had his own Action Plan when he started the new treatment and we all prayed for it to happen. It’s happening and Bili along with the rest of blood test results are back to normal. This is a good reason for us to celebrate with him.
Talking of celebrations, he decided to celebrate 2 birthdays from now on in a year (hope he is not expecting 2 presents), on November 16th and May 16th. Yes, Amir is born again on May 16th 2010 with his second chance at life and a different view of life and death (of course he thought of it too). We learn our lessons through challenges, hardships and hard work in the school of life. He is learning a lot and so fast...(probably it takes for so many 90+ years to learn these lessons!!!).
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Words With Love
Hey gang,
After 3 days of hangover I''m back and getting ready for the week(s) ahead...just wanted to share an email with you that touched me very much...the sender is not only a good friend but also a business associate I've enjoyed knowing for many years...
Last night my mom and I were sitting around and talking about the first few days...just 3 months ago, but seems like a lifetime ago...when I was admitted into the hospital and my docs didn't give me a winning chance to make it through the night...imagine that one week I get recruited for a semi-pro LA soccer team and the next week I'm using words like cancer and Oncologist... WTF JH...well, here's what happened...3 months later I'm beating the odds and surprising my doctors and owe many thanks to all of you for your love...awesome support...and words of inspiration...I can feel them down to my bones and beyond.
This email is the latest of many...many that's touched me, made me tear up, and powered me up to heal faster and faster...enjoy...
LOVE
Amir
---
No, no no. You aren't getting away with that. What do you/did you have? I went back and read your blog, looked at your FB and feel absolutely SICK to my stomach about not knowing this. Business is one thing, but you are my friend and I care about you on a personal level. Had I known you were going through this, I would have tried to help you in any way I could. What's going on, please bring me up to date? I feel like a complete ass. :(
You can't be sick, you just can't. I don't accept it, I reject it. I will punch that cancer in the face!
---\
After 3 days of hangover I''m back and getting ready for the week(s) ahead...just wanted to share an email with you that touched me very much...the sender is not only a good friend but also a business associate I've enjoyed knowing for many years...
Last night my mom and I were sitting around and talking about the first few days...just 3 months ago, but seems like a lifetime ago...when I was admitted into the hospital and my docs didn't give me a winning chance to make it through the night...imagine that one week I get recruited for a semi-pro LA soccer team and the next week I'm using words like cancer and Oncologist... WTF JH...well, here's what happened...3 months later I'm beating the odds and surprising my doctors and owe many thanks to all of you for your love...awesome support...and words of inspiration...I can feel them down to my bones and beyond.
This email is the latest of many...many that's touched me, made me tear up, and powered me up to heal faster and faster...enjoy...
LOVE
Amir
---
No, no no. You aren't getting away with that. What do you/did you have? I went back and read your blog, looked at your FB and feel absolutely SICK to my stomach about not knowing this. Business is one thing, but you are my friend and I care about you on a personal level. Had I known you were going through this, I would have tried to help you in any way I could. What's going on, please bring me up to date? I feel like a complete ass. :(
You can't be sick, you just can't. I don't accept it, I reject it. I will punch that cancer in the face!
---\
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Hello Team Amir
I have a new project and action plan for us meaning for you guys and girls and I. First of all let me thank you all for all these love, support and positive energies, which is having a great impact on my healing and me, WITHOUT YOU I COULDN’T BE HERE TODAY……….
There is a good reason I am saying this. In search of my path to recovery I found Doc. R, a specialist and top notch in my type of cancer in Santa Monica, LA working with UCLA University and involve with new researches and medications. Before the appointment he got the entire medical file and knew about my condition and me. I was sitting in the room with my mom and auntie Anne. He came in the room and asked, “who is the patient?”… I bet my mom could say: me me me! I looked so good and healthy to him that he was surprised. Do you know why, because of you…. and all your support.
Ok, it was all starting points. I want to give what I am receiving back to you, giving is caring and caring is sharing. I want you to share the love and attention with yourself and all the others who need your good vibes, love, attention and prayers.
We all have challenges in life, in different forms and looks. We all need each other’s help to go through life and sometimes hardships. I am getting emails from different people that I don’t know. They give me their love and supports and also share their hardship with me. For example:
Amir jan,
I love your spirit. I do not know if you get to read this type of emails or this communication is one of those one way communication. Sorry :) i just do not know much about Blog.....
I just let you know that you encourage me. I woke up this morning and every morning thinking about my mom who died from cancer 53 days a go. sometimes i get lost in sorrow, while i had been a fighter, i finished my doctorate while we all were fighting my mom's lung cancer stage three.
Then i lost my fiancee. He broke up with me while i needed him to be with me in this sorrow. I lost my job. I lost my mom. I lost hope and happiness.........
But here i am. i get up each day, i give thanks for all that i have, i show no sign or sorrow to anyone around me, people wonder if i am sorrowful for my mom.... I just fight. That is all i know.
You , Amir jan, keep hope. Hope is a good thing. Life goes one, we better go through it with strength and love for ourselves and others.
You are my hero. I love your soul and i wait to hear great news from you.
Love,
I answered her:
You are beautiful and I love receiving your emails. Yes I receive every email and enjoy reading them...you can also comment on my blog after each post...you just need to sign up with Google to do so, very easy :-)
I'm sorry for the loss of your mother and I'm sure she's in a much better place as the infinite divinity is reality and our body life is temporary...but you should be happy that your fiancé left you when he did and allowed you to find the strength from within...if not then, he would have done so anyway at some time in the future.
As for fighting, I ask you to stop...what are you fighting against? maybe yourself? your emotions? your health? Well all the above includes YOU and therefore it's a loosing battle...my humble suggestion is to love and use your god given gift of choosing...choose to be happy and you'll accept what you have, that is when you will feel free, start your healing path and again see love in this world...so just do it!
LOVE
Amir
You are beautiful and I love receiving your emails. Yes I receive every email and enjoy reading them...you can also comment on my blog after each post...you just need to sign up with Google to do so, very easy :-)
I'm sorry for the loss of your mother and I'm sure she's in a much better place as the infinite divinity is reality and our body life is temporary...but you should be happy that your fiancé left you when he did and allowed you to find the strength from within...if not then, he would have done so anyway at some time in the future.
As for fighting, I ask you to stop...what are you fighting against? maybe yourself? your emotions? your health? Well all the above includes YOU and therefore it's a loosing battle...my humble suggestion is to love and use your god given gift of choosing...choose to be happy and you'll accept what you have, that is when you will feel free, start your healing path and again see love in this world...so just do it!
LOVE
Amir
I bet you got what I want to say by now. Lets help whoever need help. I can’t do it on my own because it’s not me, IT’S ABOUT US as the collective souls on planet earth.
I am going to create another blog, which I give you the password to log in and post your stories. Don’t we all have our own life stories and sometimes don’t know how to deal with them. In this way we are connected and helping each other’s.
The only request from my side to be courteous, nice, don’t abuse and don’t bring negative energies to it.
The name is: whattfjusthappenedtome.blogspot.com
The password is: whatthef (didn’t I just said to be polite!!! Excuse my French Antie Anne)
As far as I know, all of you have great ideas, good advices and perfect visions toward life. My psychologist doc.G who is helping me a lot could be part of this and I hope not charging me for his advices to you. My friends, families, cousins and even my mom have lots of good advices to share. Let’s do it…
Friday, August 20, 2010
Uncle Eamen said.......
Okay, I was accused of beating RN out of writing lengthy "comments" but here we are again - some ppl never learn - do they ;).
Fri afternoon, 4.00pm, in Dr. B's suite having cocktails again. Well, Amir is and I am keeping busy meditating, writing, and keeping you all posted.
Mr. Amir is sitting in the lazy boy, actually sleeping in the lazy boy, Bobby Baby Marley is singing "Turn Your Lights Down Low" reggae tune in the background (Amir brought the R tunes) and the juices are flowing into our beloved Mr. A smoothly, slowly and side-effect-lessly (so I made that one up). No chills, no heat-ups, no shakes and no dancing girls - wait - I wanted that last one ;).
And Amir joon, this setting of intention is for you and your loving & playful 13 yr old nephew Matt - who is also HEALING his Cancer. I love what we have all learned and practice often now days - thank you Amean Joon :)
"I am a child of God living on Earth serving the Divine, myself and everyone I come in contact with.
I set my intention, at the highest level, to be the same as the Divine intention and choose to flow in the river of healing energy, love, joy, peace and compassion.
I trust in God, accept my destiny and filter every thought and emotion through this filter of love, joy, peace and compassion."
Sweet dreams Amir & Matt Joons.
Uncle eh
Fri afternoon, 4.00pm, in Dr. B's suite having cocktails again. Well, Amir is and I am keeping busy meditating, writing, and keeping you all posted.
Mr. Amir is sitting in the lazy boy, actually sleeping in the lazy boy, Bobby Baby Marley is singing "Turn Your Lights Down Low" reggae tune in the background (Amir brought the R tunes) and the juices are flowing into our beloved Mr. A smoothly, slowly and side-effect-lessly (so I made that one up). No chills, no heat-ups, no shakes and no dancing girls - wait - I wanted that last one ;).
And Amir joon, this setting of intention is for you and your loving & playful 13 yr old nephew Matt - who is also HEALING his Cancer. I love what we have all learned and practice often now days - thank you Amean Joon :)
"I am a child of God living on Earth serving the Divine, myself and everyone I come in contact with.
I set my intention, at the highest level, to be the same as the Divine intention and choose to flow in the river of healing energy, love, joy, peace and compassion.
I trust in God, accept my destiny and filter every thought and emotion through this filter of love, joy, peace and compassion."
Sweet dreams Amir & Matt Joons.
Uncle eh
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday The 13th
Well, it's finally Friday and I'm going to start my new Chemotherapy today...very exciting! I already took 2 pills and am going into Dr. B's office at 2pm for the IV portion...this is a new Chemo we're trying (once per week) after some more biopsies and genotyping came back with new medication that can be helpful to my healing.
I'm very optimistic and although the Doc says this time around I'm more than likely going to loose my hair, I'm excited to start the new Chemo and accelerate my healing process...who needs hair right,...it's just vanity after all, and that's why they make hats these days :-)
My plan of action:
1) To have fun with it
2) Imagine all the medicine going into my body to be helpful and good for the mind, the soul, and the body!
3) Keep hydrated
4) Heal baby HEAL!!!
LOVE
I'm very optimistic and although the Doc says this time around I'm more than likely going to loose my hair, I'm excited to start the new Chemo and accelerate my healing process...who needs hair right,...it's just vanity after all, and that's why they make hats these days :-)
My plan of action:
1) To have fun with it
2) Imagine all the medicine going into my body to be helpful and good for the mind, the soul, and the body!
3) Keep hydrated
4) Heal baby HEAL!!!
LOVE
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
The First Few Weeks
So I never dived deep into the few weeks before my cancer detection and how I actually came to realize what's going on...well here we go:
It was early 2010 and I had just come back from a 3 month work/pleasure trip to Germany and excited to start my consulting career for the company here in the US...for some reason though I kept getting sick - first a cold; then bronchitis; and then...strep throat (no I didn't kiss anyone to get it!)...somehow my immune system was just acting unusual...then one morning around 6am (my then usual time to wake up for a coffee n jog) I felt like a knife had gone into my belly and I was about to throw up every/anything that was inside of me...luckily nothing came up :-) but from then on I was accompanied by a stomache ache that wouldn't let go.
Obviously my first thought was food poisoning as the night before I hosted Dai Amean n Anne-joon for a Mexican dish night and well...I ain't Mexican...they were OK though (and I still wasn't Mexican), but the damn stomach ache kept on aching...
A few days later I went to my doc and he gave me the usual "I don't know what's happening with you" speech...first it was the strep throat antibiotics I had used...the it was a lack of pro-biotics in me...then it was acid reflux...makes me feel like sometimes doctors just guess at things, and prescribe drugs for the fun of it - like 'lets see what side effect this guy will have when mixing Viagra and Cialis' (no my libido is just fine...thank you very much!)
This PhD guessing game went on for a few weeks and during the time I took it on my own to try some non-prescribed methods of healing as well...obviously being part of the binary generation I consulted the mighty Google gods first and diagnosed myself with having an ulcer...acid reflux...monthly cramps...etc...hah...imagine me at CVS Pharmacy at 8am buying "colon-aid...nobody told me what it's supposed to do, but it had "Aid" in the name - so why not try it for a stomach ache...
Actually the only thing that was effective at all was exercise and hanging out with Rebecca...my body became balanced (90% of the time) when I exercised and 100% of the time when I shared the amazing company of Rebecca (which always involved the gym, jogging, soccer, kung-fu, tai-chi, soccer-tennis, tennis, etc...)...so I exercised...ran, swam, lifted weights, etc at least 2x every day...this though was just a short remedy for an ache that keps moving and spreading...
Finally after a few weeks of no answers from my doctor (and now a lack of trust in Persian non-family related doctors) I got some great advice from the family advice giver...maman joon...and went to a GI specialist. By now my symptoms had gotten worse (obviously) so I was glad to get some real expert help from a trusted specialist Dr. H...he's fantastic! but he couldn't even figure out what was happening until...he asked me to go for a CAT/PAT scan...and BOOM! it was all clear now...I have cancer...what type?...a good one :-)...now lets start healing!
So good news / bad news...
The good news first - I know I have cancer and walking the path of healing and health...I don't know how long it will take, or if it will ever - but I'm optimistic and realize that NOW, this very moment is what my life is...so I choose to be happy...and I have found so much love around me that it makes my heart skip a beat sometimes.
For the bad - well I am going through a lot...A LOT...as a 31 yr old starting my own business it was probably the worse time for this to happen...but the bright side is that you 21 /31 /41 /51 /61 year olds reading my post might be able to have a moment of clarity about cancer and early detection...
At our age doctors discriminate...unless symptoms of a sickness fall into a special category they think that at this age we won't find cancer or other threatening challenges in our path...WRONG...if there's one thing I would like for all of you to be aware of is early detection and managing your docs to make sure they are giving you all the attention necessary...
OK, well that's how it happened, and through it all I have felt so many things...the best in life like falling in love with RN, realizing a mothers dedication, and feeling the love of family and loved ones gush into my heart...and I have felt the worst in life...but no need to get into that part...because life is good baby!
LOVE
It was early 2010 and I had just come back from a 3 month work/pleasure trip to Germany and excited to start my consulting career for the company here in the US...for some reason though I kept getting sick - first a cold; then bronchitis; and then...strep throat (no I didn't kiss anyone to get it!)...somehow my immune system was just acting unusual...then one morning around 6am (my then usual time to wake up for a coffee n jog) I felt like a knife had gone into my belly and I was about to throw up every/anything that was inside of me...luckily nothing came up :-) but from then on I was accompanied by a stomache ache that wouldn't let go.
Obviously my first thought was food poisoning as the night before I hosted Dai Amean n Anne-joon for a Mexican dish night and well...I ain't Mexican...they were OK though (and I still wasn't Mexican), but the damn stomach ache kept on aching...
A few days later I went to my doc and he gave me the usual "I don't know what's happening with you" speech...first it was the strep throat antibiotics I had used...the it was a lack of pro-biotics in me...then it was acid reflux...makes me feel like sometimes doctors just guess at things, and prescribe drugs for the fun of it - like 'lets see what side effect this guy will have when mixing Viagra and Cialis' (no my libido is just fine...thank you very much!)
This PhD guessing game went on for a few weeks and during the time I took it on my own to try some non-prescribed methods of healing as well...obviously being part of the binary generation I consulted the mighty Google gods first and diagnosed myself with having an ulcer...acid reflux...monthly cramps...etc...hah...imagine me at CVS Pharmacy at 8am buying "colon-aid...nobody told me what it's supposed to do, but it had "Aid" in the name - so why not try it for a stomach ache...
Actually the only thing that was effective at all was exercise and hanging out with Rebecca...my body became balanced (90% of the time) when I exercised and 100% of the time when I shared the amazing company of Rebecca (which always involved the gym, jogging, soccer, kung-fu, tai-chi, soccer-tennis, tennis, etc...)...so I exercised...ran, swam, lifted weights, etc at least 2x every day...this though was just a short remedy for an ache that keps moving and spreading...
Finally after a few weeks of no answers from my doctor (and now a lack of trust in Persian non-family related doctors) I got some great advice from the family advice giver...maman joon...and went to a GI specialist. By now my symptoms had gotten worse (obviously) so I was glad to get some real expert help from a trusted specialist Dr. H...he's fantastic! but he couldn't even figure out what was happening until...he asked me to go for a CAT/PAT scan...and BOOM! it was all clear now...I have cancer...what type?...a good one :-)...now lets start healing!
So good news / bad news...
The good news first - I know I have cancer and walking the path of healing and health...I don't know how long it will take, or if it will ever - but I'm optimistic and realize that NOW, this very moment is what my life is...so I choose to be happy...and I have found so much love around me that it makes my heart skip a beat sometimes.
For the bad - well I am going through a lot...A LOT...as a 31 yr old starting my own business it was probably the worse time for this to happen...but the bright side is that you 21 /31 /41 /51 /61 year olds reading my post might be able to have a moment of clarity about cancer and early detection...
At our age doctors discriminate...unless symptoms of a sickness fall into a special category they think that at this age we won't find cancer or other threatening challenges in our path...WRONG...if there's one thing I would like for all of you to be aware of is early detection and managing your docs to make sure they are giving you all the attention necessary...
OK, well that's how it happened, and through it all I have felt so many things...the best in life like falling in love with RN, realizing a mothers dedication, and feeling the love of family and loved ones gush into my heart...and I have felt the worst in life...but no need to get into that part...because life is good baby!
LOVE
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Well, I have to fill in again...
who am I on Amir's blog, any guess?!
Just a quick update, we are in LA at Talla's house (lucky Talla!). We came here for the 10th 2nd opinion! with a guru in UCLA to make sure he is getting all the care as he needs. Of course the Doctor was surprised by reading the file first and then meeting and talking to him. Can you guess why? The Doctor expected to meet a sick guy but he was impressed by how strong and healthy he is! More his body goes through the challenges, in reverse his soul is getting brighter and stronger. Yes, it's him that surprises all with his strong spirit and complete love of life. When I look into his eyes, I see a new Amir looking at me and telling me: Mom, don't worry I will be fine and I am ready to ROLL WITH ALL THE PUNCHES...
There were so many punches in past 2 weeks, in and out of hospital. The good news is fever stopped since last Saturday and he feels much better. Appetite is back and of course my healthy cooking is improving or he doesn't complain anymore. One day at the hospital a guitar player was playing and Amir invited me to dance with him. The next thing he decided to learn Guitar. Thanks to Cousin Kaveh who bought him a Guitar.
Support and love from all of you is amazing and overwhelming. What can I say except thank you all and keep us going with your love and prayers.
Maman Afsaneh
Just a quick update, we are in LA at Talla's house (lucky Talla!). We came here for the 10th 2nd opinion! with a guru in UCLA to make sure he is getting all the care as he needs. Of course the Doctor was surprised by reading the file first and then meeting and talking to him. Can you guess why? The Doctor expected to meet a sick guy but he was impressed by how strong and healthy he is! More his body goes through the challenges, in reverse his soul is getting brighter and stronger. Yes, it's him that surprises all with his strong spirit and complete love of life. When I look into his eyes, I see a new Amir looking at me and telling me: Mom, don't worry I will be fine and I am ready to ROLL WITH ALL THE PUNCHES...
There were so many punches in past 2 weeks, in and out of hospital. The good news is fever stopped since last Saturday and he feels much better. Appetite is back and of course my healthy cooking is improving or he doesn't complain anymore. One day at the hospital a guitar player was playing and Amir invited me to dance with him. The next thing he decided to learn Guitar. Thanks to Cousin Kaveh who bought him a Guitar.
Support and love from all of you is amazing and overwhelming. What can I say except thank you all and keep us going with your love and prayers.
Maman Afsaneh
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Mantra - AHA Moment
Zabane marg bebastimo, tars beshekastim
Be ghodratikeh nadarad shekast, bepayvastim
We are shutting out the voice of death and releasing all fears
Only believing in the infinite power that never fails
We are shutting out the voice of death and releasing all fears
Friday, July 30, 2010
Checking in
Hey everyone, just checking in to let you know that I can feel all your positive energy and prayers these days, thank you :-) Today I'm really excited to have Kaveh and his mom come visit me...I finally get to see him after he dodged me for the 3 months I was in Germany...lol.
LOVE
LOVE
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Matt Is My Hero
Hi Team Amir! YES it's me the guy who hasn't posted for a little while...The past few days I've been at the hospital and in the process of calibrating my current Mr.c treatment plan...
Today I had a liver biopsy for genetic testing with new Chemo options and although the last Chemotherapy helped stabilize me, it didn't shrink (nor grow) the tumors - so now just like a boot-strapped startup business I have to go into the boardroom and meet with my partners to come up with a new strategy.
The first strategy change happened last week when I retired my old Oncologist Dr B1 and found a new Oncologist - Dr. B 2 (now ranked as Dr. B 1)...
Dr. B 1 is a very well known Oncologist with AWESOME bed-side manners...and that goes a lllllooonnnng way when you're sailing in uncharted waters.
For the next few weeks Dr. B 1 has put me on a pill form of Chemo so that I have a constant therapy in my blood stream to help me heal, instead of a shock every 2 weeks like before.
All these changes are of course very new to me and sometimes very very scary, but you know what - I have a little secret for success that I'd like to share with you...the secret is my little nephew Matt who has been healing himself from cancer for the past 3 years...did I mention he's 12 years old?
Matt is one of my greatest inspirations while going through treatment and whenever I feel lost or low it helps to remind myself that Matt has gone through things none of us can imagine at his age and, if he can do it, well then I can do it too! This is why Matt is my hero.
Below is a post from Matt's journal that I want to share with all of you. Please remember that life is cyclical and by helping one person you will also be helped in magical ways.
LOVE
---
We expect to hear all about your memorable stories that were shared over dinner. :)
Matthew is in recovery and not awake yet. We met with the both his oncologist, Matt Hansen as well as the nuerologist, Bruce Cherney. The pathology came back and confirmed it was tumor in the brain, same damn ewing's bastard as the others. We will meet with the Brain cancer team tomorrow to discuss what options are available to us now and of course we will be up all night researching on our own. Richelle and I are considering treatment in Germany where they use DMSO & Cesium Chloride as the treating agent. Ronald Reagan went there for cancer treatement as well as Elizabeth Taylor. The stem cell transplant is also still on the menu.
We had SUCH a wonderful start to the day and even though the middle was hard it's going to be a nice finish because we will go in and be with Matt here in a little while and he will be so happy this part is over. We know that there are many battles still yet to be decided and fought but if we have learned anything it's that there will also be precious moments for each and everyone of us along the way. We will battle the hard ones together and we will laugh & love during the close ones.
Live in this moment right now. Be present and aware of the people around you, you never know what tomorrow will bring.
:-)
Thank you all so much for your kind loving support, all the visitors, Matthew really appreciates it all. Please note he loves loves loves when me or mom sit and read your posts from the guestbook. It makes him feel good and no alone knowing there are so many concerned loving people cheering for him and so do we. Today he didn't want me to read the posts to him.... he was feeling pretty low @ that particular time... BUT THEN........
Amir???!!! ( His Unlce and hero also battleing cancer in San Diego ) ....... I told him "Amir left you a message, and he said READ IT READ IT" He smiled and cried after that and said "I love him". I asked if he wanted me to read anymore and he then wanted to hear them all. Diane? Marcie? Whitwells? Mithra? All of you!! thank you so so much for bringing the smile to our beautiful sons face by your kind and loving words. ---
Today I had a liver biopsy for genetic testing with new Chemo options and although the last Chemotherapy helped stabilize me, it didn't shrink (nor grow) the tumors - so now just like a boot-strapped startup business I have to go into the boardroom and meet with my partners to come up with a new strategy.
The first strategy change happened last week when I retired my old Oncologist Dr B1 and found a new Oncologist - Dr. B 2 (now ranked as Dr. B 1)...
Dr. B 1 is a very well known Oncologist with AWESOME bed-side manners...and that goes a lllllooonnnng way when you're sailing in uncharted waters.
For the next few weeks Dr. B 1 has put me on a pill form of Chemo so that I have a constant therapy in my blood stream to help me heal, instead of a shock every 2 weeks like before.
All these changes are of course very new to me and sometimes very very scary, but you know what - I have a little secret for success that I'd like to share with you...the secret is my little nephew Matt who has been healing himself from cancer for the past 3 years...did I mention he's 12 years old?
Matt is one of my greatest inspirations while going through treatment and whenever I feel lost or low it helps to remind myself that Matt has gone through things none of us can imagine at his age and, if he can do it, well then I can do it too! This is why Matt is my hero.
Below is a post from Matt's journal that I want to share with all of you. Please remember that life is cyclical and by helping one person you will also be helped in magical ways.
LOVE
---
We expect to hear all about your memorable stories that were shared over dinner. :)
Matthew is in recovery and not awake yet. We met with the both his oncologist, Matt Hansen as well as the nuerologist, Bruce Cherney. The pathology came back and confirmed it was tumor in the brain, same damn ewing's bastard as the others. We will meet with the Brain cancer team tomorrow to discuss what options are available to us now and of course we will be up all night researching on our own. Richelle and I are considering treatment in Germany where they use DMSO & Cesium Chloride as the treating agent. Ronald Reagan went there for cancer treatement as well as Elizabeth Taylor. The stem cell transplant is also still on the menu.
We had SUCH a wonderful start to the day and even though the middle was hard it's going to be a nice finish because we will go in and be with Matt here in a little while and he will be so happy this part is over. We know that there are many battles still yet to be decided and fought but if we have learned anything it's that there will also be precious moments for each and everyone of us along the way. We will battle the hard ones together and we will laugh & love during the close ones.
Live in this moment right now. Be present and aware of the people around you, you never know what tomorrow will bring.
:-)
Thank you all so much for your kind loving support, all the visitors, Matthew really appreciates it all. Please note he loves loves loves when me or mom sit and read your posts from the guestbook. It makes him feel good and no alone knowing there are so many concerned loving people cheering for him and so do we. Today he didn't want me to read the posts to him.... he was feeling pretty low @ that particular time... BUT THEN........
Amir???!!! ( His Unlce and hero also battleing cancer in San Diego ) ....... I told him "Amir left you a message, and he said READ IT READ IT" He smiled and cried after that and said "I love him". I asked if he wanted me to read anymore and he then wanted to hear them all. Diane? Marcie? Whitwells? Mithra? All of you!! thank you so so much for bringing the smile to our beautiful sons face by your kind and loving words. ---
Jason says...............
so... this message is to everyone following Amir's blog. I visited him today in the hospital and he looks great. His spirits are high, he told me he has gained some weight and now that one of the 2 drains was removed, he is feeling so much better. It turns out he had picked up an infection and was having to deal with that; but things are looking much better. We went for a walk through the gardens and we enjoyed some good discussion. He expects to check-out of the hospital in the next day or so, they just wanted to keep an eye on him as he started his new meds. Don't read into the lack of posts recently, he is doing ok... your prayers and positive vibes are making a difference. In fact, Amir told me he has been partaking in some yoga and has his appetite back. Regards, Jason E.
Jason is a friend from 7th grade, came to visit him today and so nice of him for the posting as a comment. He made it easier for me because I just copy and paste it.........am I a cool mom or what!!!
Reading comments is one my best time, and I like to suggest you to read Sean's story of Amir on last post (it's one of the last comments). He talked about the incident that I still remember it so clearly, as he and Amir do......That day he came home so proud of himself that he stood up to that guy, because he deserved it and had to learn a lesson! As a mom, I didn't want him to get into fights at all, but in my heart I was happy and smiling. That was an assurance for me that my son can take care of himself. I still believe that he can take care of himself, no matter who the bully is, even the big C.
During past 4 weeks, he was fighting with some bacterias too while fighting with C and still didn't complain.........I am sure with this new med. and his stronger body and spirit, he is going to win it. I don't remember where I read this ; IN IT TO WIN..............this is the story of US together...........
Maman Afsaneh
Jason is a friend from 7th grade, came to visit him today and so nice of him for the posting as a comment. He made it easier for me because I just copy and paste it.........am I a cool mom or what!!!
Reading comments is one my best time, and I like to suggest you to read Sean's story of Amir on last post (it's one of the last comments). He talked about the incident that I still remember it so clearly, as he and Amir do......That day he came home so proud of himself that he stood up to that guy, because he deserved it and had to learn a lesson! As a mom, I didn't want him to get into fights at all, but in my heart I was happy and smiling. That was an assurance for me that my son can take care of himself. I still believe that he can take care of himself, no matter who the bully is, even the big C.
During past 4 weeks, he was fighting with some bacterias too while fighting with C and still didn't complain.........I am sure with this new med. and his stronger body and spirit, he is going to win it. I don't remember where I read this ; IN IT TO WIN..............this is the story of US together...........
Maman Afsaneh
Sunday, July 18, 2010
it's me again, Maman Afsaneh
I hoped Talla and Amir would post something! They didn't and it's me again ( I am not complaining!!!)........only I'm sorry for you guys, you're stuck with my boring post again.
He doesn't write, probably he is a little upset, only a little but still smiling!
The c-scan result wasn't as we would like it to be..........the good news is no change, it showed no shrinkage/no growth, I take it as a good news. What about you?
He is going to start his new treatment tomorrow which is Monday in SD., taking medication(chemo type) every day to beat this big sh...... C( I said the bad word)............please, wish him the best success with this new Pill to beat the heck out of this big C. As, he is a tough guy it looks like his C wants to play tough too! Cousin Tandar said it all in her comment; "When the going gets tough, the tough get going". That's the plan for him and all of us.
He has 450 followers/prayers in 2 months, who can do this?!
Love you all
He doesn't write, probably he is a little upset, only a little but still smiling!
The c-scan result wasn't as we would like it to be..........the good news is no change, it showed no shrinkage/no growth, I take it as a good news. What about you?
He is going to start his new treatment tomorrow which is Monday in SD., taking medication(chemo type) every day to beat this big sh...... C( I said the bad word)............please, wish him the best success with this new Pill to beat the heck out of this big C. As, he is a tough guy it looks like his C wants to play tough too! Cousin Tandar said it all in her comment; "When the going gets tough, the tough get going". That's the plan for him and all of us.
He has 450 followers/prayers in 2 months, who can do this?!
Love you all
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
When was the last posting! by maman A..............
even I don't remember it, do you? Past weeks were difficult and challenging but the good news is: Bili keeps going down, any guess?!
Today is a big day, he is going to get another c-scan to evaluate the result of last 5 chemos. You know how important it is and how much needs your prayers, good vibes and love. Usually I write at night when I am in more relax stage of mind(either because of that glass of wine or brain is tired to be alert or.......!) I am getting so many phone calls and the first question is: why doesn't he write any more, is he OK? just a short message for you, he is OK but tired of being sick. He just wants to jump into the ocean as soon as possible and dance with waves, even swimming with sharks. Brave Amir is not going to be afraid of anything anymore in his life.
Big C changed him a lot and even giving him some extra white hair..........
I can't think of any story to tell you because it's morning and I have to go to work. Talla is coming home today to stay with him till next week. I bet, she is going to write something with him and keep you in loop..........
with all my love
Today is a big day, he is going to get another c-scan to evaluate the result of last 5 chemos. You know how important it is and how much needs your prayers, good vibes and love. Usually I write at night when I am in more relax stage of mind(either because of that glass of wine or brain is tired to be alert or.......!) I am getting so many phone calls and the first question is: why doesn't he write any more, is he OK? just a short message for you, he is OK but tired of being sick. He just wants to jump into the ocean as soon as possible and dance with waves, even swimming with sharks. Brave Amir is not going to be afraid of anything anymore in his life.
Big C changed him a lot and even giving him some extra white hair..........
I can't think of any story to tell you because it's morning and I have to go to work. Talla is coming home today to stay with him till next week. I bet, she is going to write something with him and keep you in loop..........
with all my love
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Guess where I'm going today!
IR round 4 - my tubes are acting up again...lets see how many stitches I'll get this time in my belly...any guesses?
LOVE
LOVE
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The story of today............by Maman Afsaneh
It's me again because Amir is cranky tonight again!!!!?
He has right to be cranky because he had another tune-up surgery on his pipes today. Those pipes which suppose to kick the Bili out of his liver! It was the 3rd surgery since mid June. He definitely has right to be tired and a little cranky after 12 hours fasting and going through another surgery................
The surgery went well, he was in the recovery room and around 7pm nurse decided to send him home. She came to his bed with a wheelchair and told him that he can go home. Amir looked at the wheelchair and so innocently said that he doesn't like to leave the hospital on a wheelchair. The nurse replied this is the hospital rule and you can't leave without the wheelchair. Amir answered, this is my rule for myself too. Then showed his feet to her and said, I can walk on my feet. Nurse looked at him and said I'm not going to lose my license for you and left. He fell asleep right away for 10-15 minutes till the nurse came back. Amir told her, let's make a deal. It has to be me, you and the wheel chair to leave the hospital. Why don't you sit on it and let me push you out (by the way, the nurse was older than me!).
Long story short, if he was 7th floor penthouse with caring nurses, he would decide to stay but not at the 1st floor recovery room. Perhaps it was because of my delicious spaghetti at home too! ( some credit to my cooking).
Now, he is resting again and looking forward to have better days. By the way, Bili got out of hand again and jumped over 4 range! Please, send all your love, good vibes and energy to bring the junior back down to 1..............
He has right to be cranky because he had another tune-up surgery on his pipes today. Those pipes which suppose to kick the Bili out of his liver! It was the 3rd surgery since mid June. He definitely has right to be tired and a little cranky after 12 hours fasting and going through another surgery................
The surgery went well, he was in the recovery room and around 7pm nurse decided to send him home. She came to his bed with a wheelchair and told him that he can go home. Amir looked at the wheelchair and so innocently said that he doesn't like to leave the hospital on a wheelchair. The nurse replied this is the hospital rule and you can't leave without the wheelchair. Amir answered, this is my rule for myself too. Then showed his feet to her and said, I can walk on my feet. Nurse looked at him and said I'm not going to lose my license for you and left. He fell asleep right away for 10-15 minutes till the nurse came back. Amir told her, let's make a deal. It has to be me, you and the wheel chair to leave the hospital. Why don't you sit on it and let me push you out (by the way, the nurse was older than me!).
Long story short, if he was 7th floor penthouse with caring nurses, he would decide to stay but not at the 1st floor recovery room. Perhaps it was because of my delicious spaghetti at home too! ( some credit to my cooking).
Now, he is resting again and looking forward to have better days. By the way, Bili got out of hand again and jumped over 4 range! Please, send all your love, good vibes and energy to bring the junior back down to 1..............
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Well, it's me again and you all know, it means............. by Maman Afsaneh
he is OK. He had some tough time during past 2 weeks since his last chemo! It's better to say that he had some tough time during past 6 weeks and tougher for past 2 weeks. The day before chemo was challenging, the chemo day was challenging which he talked to you, and today is the day after. Wasn't a movie with the name "The Day After"?! who played it!? ;-)
He is doing fine, only very tired and prefer to sleep a lot. He asked each of us to write something for his blog and Rebeca was the first one with such a great column. It was lovely Rebeca as yourself.........Tonight is my turn, are you ready! Are you sure that you are up for it??? Let's go........
The story started on November 16, 1978 at 9:20 in the morning, when Afsaneh turned into Amir's Mom and asked God to help her to be a good mother. Then again 31 years later, on May 15, 2010 Amir's Mom asked god to give her strength and help her to be a good mother. Amir is going through the biggest challenge of his life and needs my help, your help and our help in order "to roll with the punches". He is already rolling with punches with bravery and your help is unbelievable. He is so LUCKY to have YOU in his life as friends, 1st, 2nd, 3rd cousins, families and followers of his blog.
He was 16 yr old and just started to drive. He loved surfing and one day told me that he is going for night surfing. Let me tell you that I'm afraid of the ocean at night. (I am confessing! ). He was late to come home. I had nightmare of sharks attacking him while surfing. When he came back the worried mom with some tough love talked to him and told him about her dream!! He answered ; Mom if it's in my destiny to be eaten by sharks, you can not do anything about it. I got more mad and told him, no way, I am going to change this destiny for you and not letting you to go surfing any more. Of course, it didn't happen. He continued to surf and I continued to ask god for his safety. I think that night had an impact on him as he decided not to eat big fish anymore and signed an agreement with the ocean life. I don't eat you and you don't eat me, please.( he is going to kill me after he gets better for this one)
I wanted to change his destiny!!! How immature I was?! He is the only one to make his destiny, as he likes. I am sure he has an agreement with life too and life is going to take care of him as the ocean did.(no shark ate him so far, thank god).
Amir, you always make the best of your life events, even the "C" one and how beautifully you are talking and writing about it. As your Maman, it was my job to teach you how to live as a good person. Now you are teaching me how to deal with difficulties in such a bravery and strength. I asked god but my son is teaching me how to be strong and roll with the punches..........Thank you and I love you my son.
By the way, you don't need to thank me every day of taking care of you. WE ARE IN IT TOGETHER TO WIN IT...............no matter how tough it is.
He is doing fine, only very tired and prefer to sleep a lot. He asked each of us to write something for his blog and Rebeca was the first one with such a great column. It was lovely Rebeca as yourself.........Tonight is my turn, are you ready! Are you sure that you are up for it??? Let's go........
The story started on November 16, 1978 at 9:20 in the morning, when Afsaneh turned into Amir's Mom and asked God to help her to be a good mother. Then again 31 years later, on May 15, 2010 Amir's Mom asked god to give her strength and help her to be a good mother. Amir is going through the biggest challenge of his life and needs my help, your help and our help in order "to roll with the punches". He is already rolling with punches with bravery and your help is unbelievable. He is so LUCKY to have YOU in his life as friends, 1st, 2nd, 3rd cousins, families and followers of his blog.
He was 16 yr old and just started to drive. He loved surfing and one day told me that he is going for night surfing. Let me tell you that I'm afraid of the ocean at night. (I am confessing! ). He was late to come home. I had nightmare of sharks attacking him while surfing. When he came back the worried mom with some tough love talked to him and told him about her dream!! He answered ; Mom if it's in my destiny to be eaten by sharks, you can not do anything about it. I got more mad and told him, no way, I am going to change this destiny for you and not letting you to go surfing any more. Of course, it didn't happen. He continued to surf and I continued to ask god for his safety. I think that night had an impact on him as he decided not to eat big fish anymore and signed an agreement with the ocean life. I don't eat you and you don't eat me, please.( he is going to kill me after he gets better for this one)
I wanted to change his destiny!!! How immature I was?! He is the only one to make his destiny, as he likes. I am sure he has an agreement with life too and life is going to take care of him as the ocean did.(no shark ate him so far, thank god).
Amir, you always make the best of your life events, even the "C" one and how beautifully you are talking and writing about it. As your Maman, it was my job to teach you how to live as a good person. Now you are teaching me how to deal with difficulties in such a bravery and strength. I asked god but my son is teaching me how to be strong and roll with the punches..........Thank you and I love you my son.
By the way, you don't need to thank me every day of taking care of you. WE ARE IN IT TOGETHER TO WIN IT...............no matter how tough it is.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Ali Baba Said I Love You!!!
Throughout our lives we go through experiences and it's no secret that many are challenges...some experiences are physical and others are more energetic - as in relationships or feelings, and as humans we have the ability to self heal any challenge that may arise.
A beautiful thing that happens when healing one challenge is that sometimes, just like the domino effect, it allows you to heal other challenges too.
Here's a very cool example that I've experienced in the past few weeks and want to share with you, as many of you are aware of my family relationship - you already know that my parents divorced many years ago and because of this, my dad left the country so face to face communication went away quickly.
Also, my relationship with him was strained even more because he never shared loving and caring feelings with me as I wished he would...maybe this is because he had grown up in a country and culture that is all about male figures being tough / masculine and not showing emotions such as love...but damn it! sometimes it just feels good to have your dad say to you "Son I love you" or "Son I'm proud of you"...
Well here's miracle number n-1 in my healing process, my dad said he loves me...not only that, but now he says he loves me every time we speak...OK maybe he needed a little push to accept that no matter what - saying I love you brings a higher quality to the feeling than comes with the emotion of love and just knowing that he loves me...no matter, this is SO important to me and already I feel that our relationship has started healing and our emotional connection has evolved from where it was just a few weeks ago.
We are surrounded with challenges and healing opportunities every day and with each act we have the ability to show love, joy, peace, and compassion and sometime just the act of saying a word our loud to show a feeling can be healing for us and to those closest to us...please listen up, especially you fathers out there...sometimes we should give a hug instead of just a smile...sometimes we should give a kiss instead of just a hug...and more than often we should say I love you instead of just giving a kiss...So with that, I love you baba and I love all of you who have inspired me to stay strong and share my experience with you in a time of unknown self realization and healing.
LOVE
A beautiful thing that happens when healing one challenge is that sometimes, just like the domino effect, it allows you to heal other challenges too.
Here's a very cool example that I've experienced in the past few weeks and want to share with you, as many of you are aware of my family relationship - you already know that my parents divorced many years ago and because of this, my dad left the country so face to face communication went away quickly.
Also, my relationship with him was strained even more because he never shared loving and caring feelings with me as I wished he would...maybe this is because he had grown up in a country and culture that is all about male figures being tough / masculine and not showing emotions such as love...but damn it! sometimes it just feels good to have your dad say to you "Son I love you" or "Son I'm proud of you"...
Well here's miracle number n-1 in my healing process, my dad said he loves me...not only that, but now he says he loves me every time we speak...OK maybe he needed a little push to accept that no matter what - saying I love you brings a higher quality to the feeling than comes with the emotion of love and just knowing that he loves me...no matter, this is SO important to me and already I feel that our relationship has started healing and our emotional connection has evolved from where it was just a few weeks ago.
We are surrounded with challenges and healing opportunities every day and with each act we have the ability to show love, joy, peace, and compassion and sometime just the act of saying a word our loud to show a feeling can be healing for us and to those closest to us...please listen up, especially you fathers out there...sometimes we should give a hug instead of just a smile...sometimes we should give a kiss instead of just a hug...and more than often we should say I love you instead of just giving a kiss...So with that, I love you baba and I love all of you who have inspired me to stay strong and share my experience with you in a time of unknown self realization and healing.
LOVE
The Day After...Man What A Day!
Man what a day!!!!
So you've probably wondered where I've been for the past few days...well...the moms' did a really good job explaining what happened until late last night...surgery...chills...infection...chills...fever...blah, blah, blah...this cancer doesn't know who it's messing with :-) cause there's no way any of its kung-fu kicks are gonna' bring me down...my kung-fu's way too strong.
Well, today I paid another visit to IR before coming to Dr. B's office for Chemo # 4...I'm on a every 2 week regime which is very aggressive & tough but with my physical, mental, & workout regime throughout the past 10 years it's almost like I had been in spring training so that I can be ready when the C comes around and heal myself asap...from what I gather each Chemo takes 3 weeks to take toll completely, so the 3ed Chemo should show its effect by about now...the best news is that last week I had an MRI of my liver and the masses had shrunk ~12% already...and the docs say the shrinkage is throughout so that's F-ing' FANTASTIC!!!
Most of you probably have never been in a Chem ward before, and I pray you will not have to experience it...ever...but since I have to be here and have about 4.5 hours left, why not explain to you what it looks like, right - well the room is rectangular shaped with lots of bright light and windows...I'm very luck to have my hospital in La Jolla, one of my favorite and cleanest surf cities in SD and although we can't see the ocean - there's a calming feeling that her silky waves are just beyond the windows and across the street.
As for the room, I can tell the doctors tried to make it as comfortable as possible, there are lazy-boys scattered all around lining up against the walls and there's 'easy listening' Kenny G style music playing in the background...the only thing it's missing is a TV which sucks especially when I know I'm missing a great WC match...
Now for my peeps - I can honestly say that I'm the youngest of the bunch...considering most of my comrads can probably use their AARP cards for discounts at the local movies. So there are two types of people in here, the treating and the supporting group. Today Talla's with me and we always have a good time together...no matter what...It's really unfortunate though that most of the people here are the treating kind - time and time again I've come in to get treatment and have seen such sad eyes sitting by themselves waiting for it to be over and unfortunately waiting without a support group around...I can tell you first hand that having a support group really helps...and I wish I could be support for each and every one of them here but it's too soon for that...but soon enough.
LOVE
ps - my mouth tastes like Turmeric, um thx mom ...blah!!!
So you've probably wondered where I've been for the past few days...well...the moms' did a really good job explaining what happened until late last night...surgery...chills...infection...chills...fever...blah, blah, blah...this cancer doesn't know who it's messing with :-) cause there's no way any of its kung-fu kicks are gonna' bring me down...my kung-fu's way too strong.
Well, today I paid another visit to IR before coming to Dr. B's office for Chemo # 4...I'm on a every 2 week regime which is very aggressive & tough but with my physical, mental, & workout regime throughout the past 10 years it's almost like I had been in spring training so that I can be ready when the C comes around and heal myself asap...from what I gather each Chemo takes 3 weeks to take toll completely, so the 3ed Chemo should show its effect by about now...the best news is that last week I had an MRI of my liver and the masses had shrunk ~12% already...and the docs say the shrinkage is throughout so that's F-ing' FANTASTIC!!!
Most of you probably have never been in a Chem ward before, and I pray you will not have to experience it...ever...but since I have to be here and have about 4.5 hours left, why not explain to you what it looks like, right - well the room is rectangular shaped with lots of bright light and windows...I'm very luck to have my hospital in La Jolla, one of my favorite and cleanest surf cities in SD and although we can't see the ocean - there's a calming feeling that her silky waves are just beyond the windows and across the street.
As for the room, I can tell the doctors tried to make it as comfortable as possible, there are lazy-boys scattered all around lining up against the walls and there's 'easy listening' Kenny G style music playing in the background...the only thing it's missing is a TV which sucks especially when I know I'm missing a great WC match...
Now for my peeps - I can honestly say that I'm the youngest of the bunch...considering most of my comrads can probably use their AARP cards for discounts at the local movies. So there are two types of people in here, the treating and the supporting group. Today Talla's with me and we always have a good time together...no matter what...It's really unfortunate though that most of the people here are the treating kind - time and time again I've come in to get treatment and have seen such sad eyes sitting by themselves waiting for it to be over and unfortunately waiting without a support group around...I can tell you first hand that having a support group really helps...and I wish I could be support for each and every one of them here but it's too soon for that...but soon enough.
LOVE
ps - my mouth tastes like Turmeric, um thx mom ...blah!!!
Maman says: Who wants to bet on Bili again!?
with the same prize.........
Story of today actually started on Tuesday. One of the pipes stopped draining during Daee Eamen's B-day dinner! and took away all the attention from the birthday boy (sorry Eamen, Amir gets all the attention these days).
Amir called the hospital and they told him to come today at 6am!!!(I don't like to wake up early morning at all). Mom is sacrificing one more time, waking up at 5am and we go to the hospital. At 9, they took him into the surgery room to check his plumbing. Couldn't they give us later appointment or just they wanted to torture me!
Ok, one of the pipes needed readjustment and it was done by 10am. Amir woke up happy again but immediately started to have all types of reactions as shivering, high blood pressure, hot and cold feeling and finally high fever up to 102+.........
Now, the good news is: he is sleeping in his bed, fever came down as well as Bilirubin. He is ready to get his 4th chemo tomorrow and hopefully not feeling so bad over the weekend.
Besides of all challenges during last week, his strong, young and tough body is fighting back seriously and blood test result showed great improvement today, especially with Bili junior. It's time to guess where Bili is standing from 4.4 on Mon. Lets go and guess just for the sake of Hawaii trip........
Love you all
Story of today actually started on Tuesday. One of the pipes stopped draining during Daee Eamen's B-day dinner! and took away all the attention from the birthday boy (sorry Eamen, Amir gets all the attention these days).
Amir called the hospital and they told him to come today at 6am!!!(I don't like to wake up early morning at all). Mom is sacrificing one more time, waking up at 5am and we go to the hospital. At 9, they took him into the surgery room to check his plumbing. Couldn't they give us later appointment or just they wanted to torture me!
Ok, one of the pipes needed readjustment and it was done by 10am. Amir woke up happy again but immediately started to have all types of reactions as shivering, high blood pressure, hot and cold feeling and finally high fever up to 102+.........
Now, the good news is: he is sleeping in his bed, fever came down as well as Bilirubin. He is ready to get his 4th chemo tomorrow and hopefully not feeling so bad over the weekend.
Besides of all challenges during last week, his strong, young and tough body is fighting back seriously and blood test result showed great improvement today, especially with Bili junior. It's time to guess where Bili is standing from 4.4 on Mon. Lets go and guess just for the sake of Hawaii trip........
Love you all
Monday, June 21, 2010
Kill Bili Interactive
Aloha everyone, some great news...chances are really good that I'll be going home today from Scripps and with that said I have one more blood test to do.
With all the industry talk around Health IT, I would like to take this blood test up a notch and to become the first Web 3.0 interactive blood test ever performed...for this I need you to help participate in a fun little game called "Kill Bili"...what do you think my Bilirubin count will be at today? :-)
Ever since I installed the manual oil change sacks, my Bilirubin count has been steadily decreasing...on Sunday June 13th the count was at 8.4 , on Thursday, June 17th the count went down a lot we clocked it at a 5.6 ...and finally yesterday - June 20th my count was at a cool 4.4...
So here's where we stand with our predictions:
Amir - 3.3 (keepin' faith alive) !!!
Maman Afsaneh - 3.4
Lil Sis - 3.8
Eamen - 3.7
RN - 3.6
What do you think my Bilirubin count will be today?
Submit your votes as a comment here and the winner will win the chance to go to Hawaii with me and be first to read my book before I submit it to the Opera book club, hahaha...
LOVE & Aloha
With all the industry talk around Health IT, I would like to take this blood test up a notch and to become the first Web 3.0 interactive blood test ever performed...for this I need you to help participate in a fun little game called "Kill Bili"...what do you think my Bilirubin count will be at today? :-)
Ever since I installed the manual oil change sacks, my Bilirubin count has been steadily decreasing...on Sunday June 13th the count was at 8.4 , on Thursday, June 17th the count went down a lot we clocked it at a 5.6 ...and finally yesterday - June 20th my count was at a cool 4.4...
So here's where we stand with our predictions:
Amir - 3.3 (keepin' faith alive) !!!
Maman Afsaneh - 3.4
Lil Sis - 3.8
Eamen - 3.7
RN - 3.6
What do you think my Bilirubin count will be today?
Submit your votes as a comment here and the winner will win the chance to go to Hawaii with me and be first to read my book before I submit it to the Opera book club, hahaha...
LOVE & Aloha
Sunday, June 20, 2010
RN: My first post as AIC (Angel in Charge)
When you begin to a new relationship, you always want to put your best face forward…..at least until the other person likes you enough to be introduced to the more human, slightly less perfect version of you. We spend time picking out our most flattering outfits, make sure we are showered, primped and picture perfect. It’s why we don’t order salads on a first date….in fear that later you may have an unidentifiable green mess stuck between your canines.
And we also would like to have the other person believe that we’re a bit like Barbie and Ken…..and that we don’t ever have bodily functions. It’s why you avoid the spicy beans in fear of uncontrolled flatulence. Or the first time you use the bathroom at your potential boyfriend or girlfriend’s house…..you wish the walls had interior insulation. At the very least, you run the water when you…..as Amir would say….”drop off the kids”. Or hopefully, you can hold it until you leave the date and are in the privacy of your own home. Or even a nearby McDonalds would be preferable to having the other person hear you.
Cancer changes all of that.
Afsaneh remarked that this is like a flashback to 30 years ago. As a new mother to baby Amir, she spent the first year of his life very interested in the frequency, consistency and color of his baby poop. And now, that interest has been renewed.
I on the other hand, was never interested in the bladder or bowel movements of my two younger brothers…..past being really irritated when one of them peed in my face while I was changing his diapers…..or being grossed out when they didn’t flush in our shared bathroom….or tattling to my mom when they didn’t wash their hands afterwards.
Now, embarrassment about bodily functions is my last thought. When Amir burps, my first question is whether it’s a good burp (releasing pressure) or a bad burp (painful, acidy). When he has flatulence (yes, the need to fart), it’s something to celebrate because it releases painful pressure. Not to mention, we can’t help laughing after a fart in the middle of our hospital suite tai chi session…..and really, laughter is the best medicine.
I don’t have to worry about him having peed on the seat when I use his in-suite bathroom as he’s peeing into a “duck”…..a duck shaped urinal jug that gets hung on the back of the toilet so he can save his urine for the nurses to see. And record (everything gets recorded….down to how much he eats and drinks). So it’s become ritual that whenever I use the bathroom, I check, and of course comment on, the color and amount of liquid in the duck.
Urine….the most basic of bodily functions. No pee equals dehydration. This past week, after chemotherapy, Amir was dehydrated and his sister Talla brought him to the ER so he could be hooked up intravenously to receive liquids (saline). Depending on how well the liver is doing, or how well Bili the bad Kid is behaving results in very different shades of urine (none of which colors you’d want to paint your living room walls in). The nurses are able to translate these hues and consistencies and we’re asking lots of questions. Pretty soon, Amir will have a certificate in Urine Analysis.
A side note and slight disclaimer about myself…..if you couldn’t tell from reading so far….I’m probably not the girliest of girls when it comes to delicate matters like bodily functions …... I grew up quite a tomboy, lived on a farm and the breeding and slaughter found in nature (and man’s interaction with it) was part of life on the farm. My father is a fisherman and they often spend several days on the boat in open sea during a black cod or salmon trip. On these trips, their toilet was a bucket which you perched precariously over amidst the rocking motion of the waves.
I mucked the barn out (shoveling cow poop)……though definitely less then my brothers. We used to play in the fields and occasionally threw dried cow pies at each other. When I was a teenager and my baby brother was a toddler and I was helping my mom with potty training, the book “Everybody Poops” was a favorite. So rather than having an aversion to discussing the intimacy of our bodies waste removal process, I probably have a healthier than normal interest. Especially when learning to translate them gives me an insight to the health and physical wellbeing of someone I love.
Anyone who has spent any length of time on pain meds knows that they are a recipe for constipation. And when your body is already dealing with other issues and your focus is healing, the last thing you want to worry about is feeling uncomfortable because you can’t have a bowel movement. Two weeks ago, there was one of these situations. And Amir, never wanting to inconvenience anyone, finally relented to let me make a CVS run at 11:30 p.m.
You can reference his post “Who wants pizza, please hold the enema”……and I won’t embarrass Amir more then I already have. Let’s just say RN doesn’t stand for Registered Nurse in this instance. The enema process was a first for both of us……and it’s something we’ll probably continue to look back and laugh about just as much as we laughed about it that evening. After that, I’ll never be bothered if he forgets to flush!
Amir was a bit self-conscious initially of the drainage bags in his new hole-y appearance. But when it was my turn to be AIC (Angel in Charge) of him for the weekend, I was pretty fascinated and couldn’t help giving him a mini-history lesson in how leaching was used to balance the internal elements of blood and bile during medieval times. Or continually compare the color of bile secretions collecting in the bag to whatever food or drink they reminded me of…..pea soup, wheatgrass, honey mustard sauce. Obviously, it takes a lot to make me lose my appetite.
And now, on to another to another part of the body……grooming. It’s time for our third round of head shaving. We’re reshaping the Mohawk. And nothing says trust like allowing another person around your head, ears and neck with a razor.
And we also would like to have the other person believe that we’re a bit like Barbie and Ken…..and that we don’t ever have bodily functions. It’s why you avoid the spicy beans in fear of uncontrolled flatulence. Or the first time you use the bathroom at your potential boyfriend or girlfriend’s house…..you wish the walls had interior insulation. At the very least, you run the water when you…..as Amir would say….”drop off the kids”. Or hopefully, you can hold it until you leave the date and are in the privacy of your own home. Or even a nearby McDonalds would be preferable to having the other person hear you.
Cancer changes all of that.
Afsaneh remarked that this is like a flashback to 30 years ago. As a new mother to baby Amir, she spent the first year of his life very interested in the frequency, consistency and color of his baby poop. And now, that interest has been renewed.
I on the other hand, was never interested in the bladder or bowel movements of my two younger brothers…..past being really irritated when one of them peed in my face while I was changing his diapers…..or being grossed out when they didn’t flush in our shared bathroom….or tattling to my mom when they didn’t wash their hands afterwards.
Now, embarrassment about bodily functions is my last thought. When Amir burps, my first question is whether it’s a good burp (releasing pressure) or a bad burp (painful, acidy). When he has flatulence (yes, the need to fart), it’s something to celebrate because it releases painful pressure. Not to mention, we can’t help laughing after a fart in the middle of our hospital suite tai chi session…..and really, laughter is the best medicine.
I don’t have to worry about him having peed on the seat when I use his in-suite bathroom as he’s peeing into a “duck”…..a duck shaped urinal jug that gets hung on the back of the toilet so he can save his urine for the nurses to see. And record (everything gets recorded….down to how much he eats and drinks). So it’s become ritual that whenever I use the bathroom, I check, and of course comment on, the color and amount of liquid in the duck.
Urine….the most basic of bodily functions. No pee equals dehydration. This past week, after chemotherapy, Amir was dehydrated and his sister Talla brought him to the ER so he could be hooked up intravenously to receive liquids (saline). Depending on how well the liver is doing, or how well Bili the bad Kid is behaving results in very different shades of urine (none of which colors you’d want to paint your living room walls in). The nurses are able to translate these hues and consistencies and we’re asking lots of questions. Pretty soon, Amir will have a certificate in Urine Analysis.
A side note and slight disclaimer about myself…..if you couldn’t tell from reading so far….I’m probably not the girliest of girls when it comes to delicate matters like bodily functions …... I grew up quite a tomboy, lived on a farm and the breeding and slaughter found in nature (and man’s interaction with it) was part of life on the farm. My father is a fisherman and they often spend several days on the boat in open sea during a black cod or salmon trip. On these trips, their toilet was a bucket which you perched precariously over amidst the rocking motion of the waves.
I mucked the barn out (shoveling cow poop)……though definitely less then my brothers. We used to play in the fields and occasionally threw dried cow pies at each other. When I was a teenager and my baby brother was a toddler and I was helping my mom with potty training, the book “Everybody Poops” was a favorite. So rather than having an aversion to discussing the intimacy of our bodies waste removal process, I probably have a healthier than normal interest. Especially when learning to translate them gives me an insight to the health and physical wellbeing of someone I love.
Anyone who has spent any length of time on pain meds knows that they are a recipe for constipation. And when your body is already dealing with other issues and your focus is healing, the last thing you want to worry about is feeling uncomfortable because you can’t have a bowel movement. Two weeks ago, there was one of these situations. And Amir, never wanting to inconvenience anyone, finally relented to let me make a CVS run at 11:30 p.m.
You can reference his post “Who wants pizza, please hold the enema”……and I won’t embarrass Amir more then I already have. Let’s just say RN doesn’t stand for Registered Nurse in this instance. The enema process was a first for both of us……and it’s something we’ll probably continue to look back and laugh about just as much as we laughed about it that evening. After that, I’ll never be bothered if he forgets to flush!
Amir was a bit self-conscious initially of the drainage bags in his new hole-y appearance. But when it was my turn to be AIC (Angel in Charge) of him for the weekend, I was pretty fascinated and couldn’t help giving him a mini-history lesson in how leaching was used to balance the internal elements of blood and bile during medieval times. Or continually compare the color of bile secretions collecting in the bag to whatever food or drink they reminded me of…..pea soup, wheatgrass, honey mustard sauce. Obviously, it takes a lot to make me lose my appetite.
And now, on to another to another part of the body……grooming. It’s time for our third round of head shaving. We’re reshaping the Mohawk. And nothing says trust like allowing another person around your head, ears and neck with a razor.
Flow Like A Butterfly - Sting Like A Bee
Goooood morning, and welcome to another edition of I Love You Bilirubin...coming to you exclusively from the 7W penthouse suite at Scripps Hospital, La Jolla.
It's day 7 since I checked into the hospital/resort and the natives seem to have taken a liking to me, even changed my room from a simple peasant's living quarters to the presidential suite...this place is actually bigger than my first studio apartment and has a great view of La Jolla - not a bad life, eh... :-)
So I'm sitting here quietly this morning watching the ITA vs NZL World Cup match while the sun is starting to kiss the horizon outside and RN is fast asleep on the couch (probably dreaming of writing her To Do List for today, haha)...and I'm feeling inspired to write about a divine lesson I've come to learn throughout the years and now experience more than ever through my past few weeks of healing - the lesson of rolling with the punches...
Muhammad Ali once said "flow like a butterfly - sting like a bee"...and the more I think about this statement, the more it makes sense to me...you have to live your life in constant flexibility - and at times do nothing and leave nothing undone!
Although many of us have the illusion of control in life, chances are we're just seeing things through our cloak of invincibility and somewhat blinded by the fact that we only have control over what we ourselves do at 'this' very moment...This is where the philosophy of rolling with the punches comes in and is more important to me, than ever!
In moments of flux the most important thing for me is to remember 2 things
1) Keep rolling with the punches
2) Don't forget to breathe
And of course never forget that god's in charge - so just relax and enjoy yourself, life's too fun and important and we should enjoy every moment of it - so enjoy...and of course I love you Bilirubin!
ps - Bilirubin count is at 4.4 today!!!
It's day 7 since I checked into the hospital/resort and the natives seem to have taken a liking to me, even changed my room from a simple peasant's living quarters to the presidential suite...this place is actually bigger than my first studio apartment and has a great view of La Jolla - not a bad life, eh... :-)
So I'm sitting here quietly this morning watching the ITA vs NZL World Cup match while the sun is starting to kiss the horizon outside and RN is fast asleep on the couch (probably dreaming of writing her To Do List for today, haha)...and I'm feeling inspired to write about a divine lesson I've come to learn throughout the years and now experience more than ever through my past few weeks of healing - the lesson of rolling with the punches...
Muhammad Ali once said "flow like a butterfly - sting like a bee"...and the more I think about this statement, the more it makes sense to me...you have to live your life in constant flexibility - and at times do nothing and leave nothing undone!
Although many of us have the illusion of control in life, chances are we're just seeing things through our cloak of invincibility and somewhat blinded by the fact that we only have control over what we ourselves do at 'this' very moment...This is where the philosophy of rolling with the punches comes in and is more important to me, than ever!
In moments of flux the most important thing for me is to remember 2 things
1) Keep rolling with the punches
2) Don't forget to breathe
And of course never forget that god's in charge - so just relax and enjoy yourself, life's too fun and important and we should enjoy every moment of it - so enjoy...and of course I love you Bilirubin!
ps - Bilirubin count is at 4.4 today!!!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wearing my bile on my sleeve
For those that do not know what the level of a Bilirubin child on good behavior is 0.1-1.2. Mine, was at 8.4 on Sunday evening when Talla and I went to the ER. Bili definitely deserved a good spanking (As my mom would say, some tough love) and the doctor gave it to him real good! 8.4 was the highest that Bili had been so far. The GREAT news is that the Bilirubin taps are working like a charm, and the level has come down to a mere 5.6!!! Woo hoo. I'm aiming in the 3 range for tomorrow. It's amazing. Even a couple of hours after surgery I actually felt normal. First time in 6 weeks that I felt that way.
So it is a bit odd having drains and bags hanging off of me and to be completely honest I have been a little self conscious about it all...but I feel that the best way to get over it is to post some pictures for you guys. Please don't hate me because I am beautiful!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Out of Surgery
It took him 2/5 Hours(right on time). He is in good spirit, eating and resting.
Thank you all for your prayers,
Love you too
Thank you all for your prayers,
Love you too
Spending couple of nights in the Hospital with nice view of San Diego, by Maman Afsaneh
Well, It's my turn again or no you are stuck with me again! Friday's Cocktails went well, he was getting rid of HANGOVER pretty well(of course my good care at home was useful too). It came Sunday afternoon. He woke up from his afternoon nap. Talla arrived around 5pm. I was getting ready to go out with my friend for a ..........(not telling you what). He came to me and said: I need to go to Emergency Room to get some IV, I feel so weak! There, you go, It's all Talla's fault because as soon as she arrived!!!!
Talla took him to ER to get some fluids, I went out to get some Cocktails, I just wanted to play cool mommy like: I don't care guys, you are on your own..........After couple of hours, Talla called and calmly said, they are going to hospitalize him.
Now, it's Tuesday noon. He is napping, didn't eat since midnight because he needs a small surgery. Bilirubin was going up and up and upper(not a good news). BR is acting like a spoiled child, the more Amir gives it love and attention, it acts wilder. I remember when I was disciplining Amir and Talla, and of course they didn't like it, I would say it's TOUGH LOVE. I love you but you have to behave according to my rules. Now, Docs are doing the same to spoiled Bili. He loves you but you are hurting him and we need to take you out of his body forcefully.........this is the story of now.
He is weak/strong and ready for the procedure. I ask all of you from all over the world, imagine him in his best shape, good looking and handsome, buff and active, with his very loud, hearty laugh that always scared his sister a bit due to the volume!! Amir is not a spoiled or selfish, needy or codependent guy, he is so strong, brave, inspired, courageous and helpful friend to all of us. He needs you as his friends to pray together for him for fast recovery and taking care of spoiled "C" after getting rid of little Bili...........
Love you all and thank you.
He is going dawn to surgery room.........Pray, Pray, Pray
Talla took him to ER to get some fluids, I went out to get some Cocktails, I just wanted to play cool mommy like: I don't care guys, you are on your own..........After couple of hours, Talla called and calmly said, they are going to hospitalize him.
Now, it's Tuesday noon. He is napping, didn't eat since midnight because he needs a small surgery. Bilirubin was going up and up and upper(not a good news). BR is acting like a spoiled child, the more Amir gives it love and attention, it acts wilder. I remember when I was disciplining Amir and Talla, and of course they didn't like it, I would say it's TOUGH LOVE. I love you but you have to behave according to my rules. Now, Docs are doing the same to spoiled Bili. He loves you but you are hurting him and we need to take you out of his body forcefully.........this is the story of now.
He is weak/strong and ready for the procedure. I ask all of you from all over the world, imagine him in his best shape, good looking and handsome, buff and active, with his very loud, hearty laugh that always scared his sister a bit due to the volume!! Amir is not a spoiled or selfish, needy or codependent guy, he is so strong, brave, inspired, courageous and helpful friend to all of us. He needs you as his friends to pray together for him for fast recovery and taking care of spoiled "C" after getting rid of little Bili...........
Love you all and thank you.
He is going dawn to surgery room.........Pray, Pray, Pray
Friday, June 11, 2010
3rd Happy Hour, Cocktail written by Maman Afsaneh
Hello my dear followers of my Dear Son, AMIR
I know you all love him and waiting for his hilarious posting, so sorry, he doesn't feel good, I mean he is sleeping and you are stuck with me!!!!
I am going to tell you my version of this big event in our family which effected all of us, Talla and the rest of the family. For those who doesn't know Talla !! she is Amir's sister and Amir loves her a lot. This is Friday night and Amir came back home at 4pm from his 3rd Happy Hr. cocktail party and having a BIG HANG OVER. Today at 10am he had to go to his oncologist office to........2 nurses from Hospital called me, that they are waiting for him and why is he late?! It looks the like hospital and doctor's office were competing with each other for giving him the Cocktails. He is so popular these days!!!
It's almost 11pm. I came home from work, took care of his dinner(if he calls it dinner). we went for a very short walk and now he is sleeping in the patio. A very soft music is mixing with the sound of the night is playing for him. He is very calm and a little weak. The candles are burning around him too.........I had my dinner in the balcony with a glass of wine, and............. I can't tell you the rest of it! I did a bad thing and now I'm so relax!(I had a bad day at work too). All at sudden, I decided to write for him. That's how you got stuck with me tonight.
What can I say, except I want to thank YOU ALL FOR LOVING HIM AND WISHING HIM THE BEST.
Maman Afsaneh(-:Mom:-)
I know you all love him and waiting for his hilarious posting, so sorry, he doesn't feel good, I mean he is sleeping and you are stuck with me!!!!
I am going to tell you my version of this big event in our family which effected all of us, Talla and the rest of the family. For those who doesn't know Talla !! she is Amir's sister and Amir loves her a lot. This is Friday night and Amir came back home at 4pm from his 3rd Happy Hr. cocktail party and having a BIG HANG OVER. Today at 10am he had to go to his oncologist office to........2 nurses from Hospital called me, that they are waiting for him and why is he late?! It looks the like hospital and doctor's office were competing with each other for giving him the Cocktails. He is so popular these days!!!
It's almost 11pm. I came home from work, took care of his dinner(if he calls it dinner). we went for a very short walk and now he is sleeping in the patio. A very soft music is mixing with the sound of the night is playing for him. He is very calm and a little weak. The candles are burning around him too.........I had my dinner in the balcony with a glass of wine, and............. I can't tell you the rest of it! I did a bad thing and now I'm so relax!(I had a bad day at work too). All at sudden, I decided to write for him. That's how you got stuck with me tonight.
What can I say, except I want to thank YOU ALL FOR LOVING HIM AND WISHING HIM THE BEST.
Maman Afsaneh(-:Mom:-)
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
I cried today
I cried today and I'm not exactly sure why.
It might have been because of the cleansing feeling I felt from going to yoga both last night and then again with my mom this morning at 7am...and it was probably infused with the song "baby next time I'll be bulletproof" by La Roux...or yet maybe it might have been because I'm so excited to see what happens today and tomorrow, but yet somewhat scared about it at the same time...All I know is that as soon as my mom went into her room after our morning coffee and the song came on Pandora, I covered my eyes with my palms and cried to myself for myself.
Crying is a very cleansing and personal thing and I've grown to stop being scared about tears and allow my emotions come to the surface because when I'm at my most vulnerable is when I come to my most profound realizations.
Why I cried today I just don't know...but what I do know is that my biggest fan just happened to come out of her room to tell me something unimportant when she saw me cradling my eyes...and as natural as the sun rising in the morning, her first instinct was to come give me a big hug and allow me to cry with her, together...in truth it felt really nice and right then and there I realized that she is all my hopes, happiness and protection...all my guardian angels put into one defined body of love and today she allowed us to cry together...Thank you mom for knowing when to smile at me and when to cry with me, I love you.
It might have been because of the cleansing feeling I felt from going to yoga both last night and then again with my mom this morning at 7am...and it was probably infused with the song "baby next time I'll be bulletproof" by La Roux...or yet maybe it might have been because I'm so excited to see what happens today and tomorrow, but yet somewhat scared about it at the same time...All I know is that as soon as my mom went into her room after our morning coffee and the song came on Pandora, I covered my eyes with my palms and cried to myself for myself.
Crying is a very cleansing and personal thing and I've grown to stop being scared about tears and allow my emotions come to the surface because when I'm at my most vulnerable is when I come to my most profound realizations.
Why I cried today I just don't know...but what I do know is that my biggest fan just happened to come out of her room to tell me something unimportant when she saw me cradling my eyes...and as natural as the sun rising in the morning, her first instinct was to come give me a big hug and allow me to cry with her, together...in truth it felt really nice and right then and there I realized that she is all my hopes, happiness and protection...all my guardian angels put into one defined body of love and today she allowed us to cry together...Thank you mom for knowing when to smile at me and when to cry with me, I love you.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Who wants pizza - please hold the enema!
Hello my beloved I hope you're flowing through the river of joy and compassion and helping heal those who you touch throughout your day.
So with my new lifestyle I'm practically re-meeting myself from every stage; self-realization, self-knowledge and healing, and environmental sight...on that note some interesting challenges - well situations have come up that I've had to work with and learn from.
One of such situations is the ability to eat...yup one of our most primal needs of eating and eating well. Many of you know me as the human trash compactor...put it in-front of me and chances are I'll dig into it and love every bite...I've even had 2 or 3 girlfriends breakup with me because they were athletes and couldn't hang with my eating style (and burn rate)...one girl even told me that she loves everything about me but she gained 7 pounds in a mere 3 months of dating me and that was effecting her horse riding skills :-) haha! she couldn't hang, but I still love her and her dedication to eat with me...
Well fast forward a few years and now at my whopping 150lbs weight with wet clothes (not by choice!) on I'm quickly crossing out every staple food I've come to enjoy one by one off the list...first came Persian food feasting - I love it but it's too damned heavy (sorry PJ)...then came In' N Out Burgers - sorry Germany family - and now pizza...oh sweet delicious pizza...she's been my lover and friend since I can remember, and my muse has always been Round Table Pizza.
A few nights ago I finally regained my appetite since Happy Hour II, (The Peukeal!) and decided to venture into cancer uncharted waters and order one (two) large pizzas for my loving family visiting me over the weekend.
Well all was good - the pizza came and I made sure to chew like a French man - about 1M times per bite...damn it tasted good, the crust was fantastic, the cheese was to die for, and the sauce was heavenly...that is until about 6 hours later when physics came into play....as in what goes in must come out.
The first part was tested without any glitch, but the second part - man the second round became an adventure all on its own...Until that night I never thought about the feeling a woman might have when giving birth - but now I was wondering if JR's coming out and resisting every moment of it...and if so why WTF is JR giving me such a hard time.
Now I've been around for some time so I know a few tricks of the trade...coffee is great for digesting, yoga works, a massage can always help, and walking is a good idea too...but no JR is a different monster all on its own.
I tried all the tricks of the trade and finally had to resort some drastic tactics...and again my RN to the rescue...yes boys and girls I had an enema...first thought...WTF is an enema...well now I can answer that question...an enema is your best friend when JR refuses to cooperate and you just need to kick him out like a late night party friend who just won't leave.
Now for the sake of the weak I'm gonna leave the "juicy" and "hard" to understand parts out of this post, but be assured it's not a pleasant situation and I'm happy to tell you more if you ask nicely :-)....but trust me that afterwards you're going to think YIKES WTF JH!!!
Good news/Bad news - The bad news is that this shit goes up your glory hole...which is OK if you live in Palm Springs, but not OK at mamma's house...but the good news is that you'll start dropping off the kids at the pool in less than the recommended 2-5 minutes...
Now that that's over, some other thoughts that come up...mainly what is happiness...at every level of your life happiness can mean something different. When my family was moving to the states happiness to me was to imagine going to Disneyland and owning a Luke Skywalker Light Saver...back in high school my happiness came from getting digits from a hot chick or riding that perfect wave that puts me on cloud nine. In College happiness was Ace'in a test and then celebrating with my mates by going for drinks or taking a trip out of town to a place with no name for a few days...and after work happiness was closing that deal where I helped the companies bottom line and my wallet...and of course love - love is the ultimate level of happiness.
Now with my new friend Mr. C - happiness is knowing that I can be in control of my own life by changing my lifestyle to amend myself to my new self...there's no need to become frustrated, upset, or stressed...this is a lesson we've learned in different forms at various stages of our life and I must love it and care for it...that means no pressure only compassion and smiling...and the highest form of happiness is knowing that this is a temporary situation and life, love, and more lessons are upon us my friends! Lets be ready :-)
There are a lot of changes happening to me and for now I sometimes feel like I'm back to my infant stage and yes eating baby food is now the only thing that I know will not hurt me through gravity.
But there are larger lessons to be learned here...as in what am I feeling and what am I practicing...it's funny to think that through an enema I've gained knowledge into a more transformation practice of love and compassion, rule number one being - if you think it's not a good idea, then listen to that voice inside of you and adhere to it instead of becoming stressed out. Now this is the lesson, a key point!
But you must also remember that this doesn't work through fear - as in don't be afraid to challenge yourself because you fear the outcome...go for it and live - then let the lessons show you the next step in your pat....lean and be learned.
LOVE
So with my new lifestyle I'm practically re-meeting myself from every stage; self-realization, self-knowledge and healing, and environmental sight...on that note some interesting challenges - well situations have come up that I've had to work with and learn from.
One of such situations is the ability to eat...yup one of our most primal needs of eating and eating well. Many of you know me as the human trash compactor...put it in-front of me and chances are I'll dig into it and love every bite...I've even had 2 or 3 girlfriends breakup with me because they were athletes and couldn't hang with my eating style (and burn rate)...one girl even told me that she loves everything about me but she gained 7 pounds in a mere 3 months of dating me and that was effecting her horse riding skills :-) haha! she couldn't hang, but I still love her and her dedication to eat with me...
Well fast forward a few years and now at my whopping 150lbs weight with wet clothes (not by choice!) on I'm quickly crossing out every staple food I've come to enjoy one by one off the list...first came Persian food feasting - I love it but it's too damned heavy (sorry PJ)...then came In' N Out Burgers - sorry Germany family - and now pizza...oh sweet delicious pizza...she's been my lover and friend since I can remember, and my muse has always been Round Table Pizza.
A few nights ago I finally regained my appetite since Happy Hour II, (The Peukeal!) and decided to venture into cancer uncharted waters and order one (two) large pizzas for my loving family visiting me over the weekend.
Well all was good - the pizza came and I made sure to chew like a French man - about 1M times per bite...damn it tasted good, the crust was fantastic, the cheese was to die for, and the sauce was heavenly...that is until about 6 hours later when physics came into play....as in what goes in must come out.
The first part was tested without any glitch, but the second part - man the second round became an adventure all on its own...Until that night I never thought about the feeling a woman might have when giving birth - but now I was wondering if JR's coming out and resisting every moment of it...and if so why WTF is JR giving me such a hard time.
Now I've been around for some time so I know a few tricks of the trade...coffee is great for digesting, yoga works, a massage can always help, and walking is a good idea too...but no JR is a different monster all on its own.
I tried all the tricks of the trade and finally had to resort some drastic tactics...and again my RN to the rescue...yes boys and girls I had an enema...first thought...WTF is an enema...well now I can answer that question...an enema is your best friend when JR refuses to cooperate and you just need to kick him out like a late night party friend who just won't leave.
Now for the sake of the weak I'm gonna leave the "juicy" and "hard" to understand parts out of this post, but be assured it's not a pleasant situation and I'm happy to tell you more if you ask nicely :-)....but trust me that afterwards you're going to think YIKES WTF JH!!!
Good news/Bad news - The bad news is that this shit goes up your glory hole...which is OK if you live in Palm Springs, but not OK at mamma's house...but the good news is that you'll start dropping off the kids at the pool in less than the recommended 2-5 minutes...
Now that that's over, some other thoughts that come up...mainly what is happiness...at every level of your life happiness can mean something different. When my family was moving to the states happiness to me was to imagine going to Disneyland and owning a Luke Skywalker Light Saver...back in high school my happiness came from getting digits from a hot chick or riding that perfect wave that puts me on cloud nine. In College happiness was Ace'in a test and then celebrating with my mates by going for drinks or taking a trip out of town to a place with no name for a few days...and after work happiness was closing that deal where I helped the companies bottom line and my wallet...and of course love - love is the ultimate level of happiness.
Now with my new friend Mr. C - happiness is knowing that I can be in control of my own life by changing my lifestyle to amend myself to my new self...there's no need to become frustrated, upset, or stressed...this is a lesson we've learned in different forms at various stages of our life and I must love it and care for it...that means no pressure only compassion and smiling...and the highest form of happiness is knowing that this is a temporary situation and life, love, and more lessons are upon us my friends! Lets be ready :-)
There are a lot of changes happening to me and for now I sometimes feel like I'm back to my infant stage and yes eating baby food is now the only thing that I know will not hurt me through gravity.
But there are larger lessons to be learned here...as in what am I feeling and what am I practicing...it's funny to think that through an enema I've gained knowledge into a more transformation practice of love and compassion, rule number one being - if you think it's not a good idea, then listen to that voice inside of you and adhere to it instead of becoming stressed out. Now this is the lesson, a key point!
But you must also remember that this doesn't work through fear - as in don't be afraid to challenge yourself because you fear the outcome...go for it and live - then let the lessons show you the next step in your pat....lean and be learned.
LOVE
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Art is my healing medicine
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| What's your inspiration? LOVE |
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