Dear loved ones
I am dictating this post to my mom because I'm still too hangover to concentrate on a computer screen.
The love you share for me has given me a powerful feeling which is unbreakable. You are all a large inspiring and emotionally fulfilling part of my healing, and I know that each and everyone of us has taken part and evolved into better person in the past 4 months.
This why I want to remind you about the new website we created to continue helping each other.
The website is: whattfjusthappenedtome.blogspot.com
The password is: whatthef
We all have moments of need and time to help, and this is why whattfjusthappenedtome.blogspot.com has been created.
Please, help us grow this infinite circle of love, trust, and healing by visiting the website frequently to contribute both as a giver and receiver. We all have human needs to find help and the divine power to heal by giving help, so feel free to follow, write, contribute, and most importantly promote the website so that others in need may find out and hopefully find peace through our circle of LOVE.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
I love you BiliRubin, by Maman Afsaneh
Yes I love Bili and so proud of… (what can I say: he/she/it! Farsi is much easier you just say: it).
Asking Why? After 4 months of being wild, naughty and spoiled, finally got the message and started to act NORMAL, a little on high side but NORMAL: 1.6 It’s the best news in 4 months for us and so promising…
Well, he feels good, gained a few pounds (even with my healthy, green cooking), goes to the gym (short sessions), plays Guitar (getting first lessons and he has talent, it sounds good!), of course painting (Cancer is My Art show is coming up) and plans his travel (as soon as the tubes are out and starting with Hawaii, are you ready Team Amir?)…did I say a little help around the house when I am at work!!?
He had his own Action Plan when he started the new treatment and we all prayed for it to happen. It’s happening and Bili along with the rest of blood test results are back to normal. This is a good reason for us to celebrate with him.
Talking of celebrations, he decided to celebrate 2 birthdays from now on in a year (hope he is not expecting 2 presents), on November 16th and May 16th. Yes, Amir is born again on May 16th 2010 with his second chance at life and a different view of life and death (of course he thought of it too). We learn our lessons through challenges, hardships and hard work in the school of life. He is learning a lot and so fast...(probably it takes for so many 90+ years to learn these lessons!!!).
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Words With Love
Hey gang,
After 3 days of hangover I''m back and getting ready for the week(s) ahead...just wanted to share an email with you that touched me very much...the sender is not only a good friend but also a business associate I've enjoyed knowing for many years...
Last night my mom and I were sitting around and talking about the first few days...just 3 months ago, but seems like a lifetime ago...when I was admitted into the hospital and my docs didn't give me a winning chance to make it through the night...imagine that one week I get recruited for a semi-pro LA soccer team and the next week I'm using words like cancer and Oncologist... WTF JH...well, here's what happened...3 months later I'm beating the odds and surprising my doctors and owe many thanks to all of you for your love...awesome support...and words of inspiration...I can feel them down to my bones and beyond.
This email is the latest of many...many that's touched me, made me tear up, and powered me up to heal faster and faster...enjoy...
LOVE
Amir
---
No, no no. You aren't getting away with that. What do you/did you have? I went back and read your blog, looked at your FB and feel absolutely SICK to my stomach about not knowing this. Business is one thing, but you are my friend and I care about you on a personal level. Had I known you were going through this, I would have tried to help you in any way I could. What's going on, please bring me up to date? I feel like a complete ass. :(
You can't be sick, you just can't. I don't accept it, I reject it. I will punch that cancer in the face!
---\
After 3 days of hangover I''m back and getting ready for the week(s) ahead...just wanted to share an email with you that touched me very much...the sender is not only a good friend but also a business associate I've enjoyed knowing for many years...
Last night my mom and I were sitting around and talking about the first few days...just 3 months ago, but seems like a lifetime ago...when I was admitted into the hospital and my docs didn't give me a winning chance to make it through the night...imagine that one week I get recruited for a semi-pro LA soccer team and the next week I'm using words like cancer and Oncologist... WTF JH...well, here's what happened...3 months later I'm beating the odds and surprising my doctors and owe many thanks to all of you for your love...awesome support...and words of inspiration...I can feel them down to my bones and beyond.
This email is the latest of many...many that's touched me, made me tear up, and powered me up to heal faster and faster...enjoy...
LOVE
Amir
---
No, no no. You aren't getting away with that. What do you/did you have? I went back and read your blog, looked at your FB and feel absolutely SICK to my stomach about not knowing this. Business is one thing, but you are my friend and I care about you on a personal level. Had I known you were going through this, I would have tried to help you in any way I could. What's going on, please bring me up to date? I feel like a complete ass. :(
You can't be sick, you just can't. I don't accept it, I reject it. I will punch that cancer in the face!
---\
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Hello Team Amir
I have a new project and action plan for us meaning for you guys and girls and I. First of all let me thank you all for all these love, support and positive energies, which is having a great impact on my healing and me, WITHOUT YOU I COULDN’T BE HERE TODAY……….
There is a good reason I am saying this. In search of my path to recovery I found Doc. R, a specialist and top notch in my type of cancer in Santa Monica, LA working with UCLA University and involve with new researches and medications. Before the appointment he got the entire medical file and knew about my condition and me. I was sitting in the room with my mom and auntie Anne. He came in the room and asked, “who is the patient?”… I bet my mom could say: me me me! I looked so good and healthy to him that he was surprised. Do you know why, because of you…. and all your support.
Ok, it was all starting points. I want to give what I am receiving back to you, giving is caring and caring is sharing. I want you to share the love and attention with yourself and all the others who need your good vibes, love, attention and prayers.
We all have challenges in life, in different forms and looks. We all need each other’s help to go through life and sometimes hardships. I am getting emails from different people that I don’t know. They give me their love and supports and also share their hardship with me. For example:
Amir jan,
I love your spirit. I do not know if you get to read this type of emails or this communication is one of those one way communication. Sorry :) i just do not know much about Blog.....
I just let you know that you encourage me. I woke up this morning and every morning thinking about my mom who died from cancer 53 days a go. sometimes i get lost in sorrow, while i had been a fighter, i finished my doctorate while we all were fighting my mom's lung cancer stage three.
Then i lost my fiancee. He broke up with me while i needed him to be with me in this sorrow. I lost my job. I lost my mom. I lost hope and happiness.........
But here i am. i get up each day, i give thanks for all that i have, i show no sign or sorrow to anyone around me, people wonder if i am sorrowful for my mom.... I just fight. That is all i know.
You , Amir jan, keep hope. Hope is a good thing. Life goes one, we better go through it with strength and love for ourselves and others.
You are my hero. I love your soul and i wait to hear great news from you.
Love,
I answered her:
You are beautiful and I love receiving your emails. Yes I receive every email and enjoy reading them...you can also comment on my blog after each post...you just need to sign up with Google to do so, very easy :-)
I'm sorry for the loss of your mother and I'm sure she's in a much better place as the infinite divinity is reality and our body life is temporary...but you should be happy that your fiancé left you when he did and allowed you to find the strength from within...if not then, he would have done so anyway at some time in the future.
As for fighting, I ask you to stop...what are you fighting against? maybe yourself? your emotions? your health? Well all the above includes YOU and therefore it's a loosing battle...my humble suggestion is to love and use your god given gift of choosing...choose to be happy and you'll accept what you have, that is when you will feel free, start your healing path and again see love in this world...so just do it!
LOVE
Amir
You are beautiful and I love receiving your emails. Yes I receive every email and enjoy reading them...you can also comment on my blog after each post...you just need to sign up with Google to do so, very easy :-)
I'm sorry for the loss of your mother and I'm sure she's in a much better place as the infinite divinity is reality and our body life is temporary...but you should be happy that your fiancé left you when he did and allowed you to find the strength from within...if not then, he would have done so anyway at some time in the future.
As for fighting, I ask you to stop...what are you fighting against? maybe yourself? your emotions? your health? Well all the above includes YOU and therefore it's a loosing battle...my humble suggestion is to love and use your god given gift of choosing...choose to be happy and you'll accept what you have, that is when you will feel free, start your healing path and again see love in this world...so just do it!
LOVE
Amir
I bet you got what I want to say by now. Lets help whoever need help. I can’t do it on my own because it’s not me, IT’S ABOUT US as the collective souls on planet earth.
I am going to create another blog, which I give you the password to log in and post your stories. Don’t we all have our own life stories and sometimes don’t know how to deal with them. In this way we are connected and helping each other’s.
The only request from my side to be courteous, nice, don’t abuse and don’t bring negative energies to it.
The name is: whattfjusthappenedtome.blogspot.com
The password is: whatthef (didn’t I just said to be polite!!! Excuse my French Antie Anne)
As far as I know, all of you have great ideas, good advices and perfect visions toward life. My psychologist doc.G who is helping me a lot could be part of this and I hope not charging me for his advices to you. My friends, families, cousins and even my mom have lots of good advices to share. Let’s do it…
Friday, August 20, 2010
Uncle Eamen said.......
Okay, I was accused of beating RN out of writing lengthy "comments" but here we are again - some ppl never learn - do they ;).
Fri afternoon, 4.00pm, in Dr. B's suite having cocktails again. Well, Amir is and I am keeping busy meditating, writing, and keeping you all posted.
Mr. Amir is sitting in the lazy boy, actually sleeping in the lazy boy, Bobby Baby Marley is singing "Turn Your Lights Down Low" reggae tune in the background (Amir brought the R tunes) and the juices are flowing into our beloved Mr. A smoothly, slowly and side-effect-lessly (so I made that one up). No chills, no heat-ups, no shakes and no dancing girls - wait - I wanted that last one ;).
And Amir joon, this setting of intention is for you and your loving & playful 13 yr old nephew Matt - who is also HEALING his Cancer. I love what we have all learned and practice often now days - thank you Amean Joon :)
"I am a child of God living on Earth serving the Divine, myself and everyone I come in contact with.
I set my intention, at the highest level, to be the same as the Divine intention and choose to flow in the river of healing energy, love, joy, peace and compassion.
I trust in God, accept my destiny and filter every thought and emotion through this filter of love, joy, peace and compassion."
Sweet dreams Amir & Matt Joons.
Uncle eh
Fri afternoon, 4.00pm, in Dr. B's suite having cocktails again. Well, Amir is and I am keeping busy meditating, writing, and keeping you all posted.
Mr. Amir is sitting in the lazy boy, actually sleeping in the lazy boy, Bobby Baby Marley is singing "Turn Your Lights Down Low" reggae tune in the background (Amir brought the R tunes) and the juices are flowing into our beloved Mr. A smoothly, slowly and side-effect-lessly (so I made that one up). No chills, no heat-ups, no shakes and no dancing girls - wait - I wanted that last one ;).
And Amir joon, this setting of intention is for you and your loving & playful 13 yr old nephew Matt - who is also HEALING his Cancer. I love what we have all learned and practice often now days - thank you Amean Joon :)
"I am a child of God living on Earth serving the Divine, myself and everyone I come in contact with.
I set my intention, at the highest level, to be the same as the Divine intention and choose to flow in the river of healing energy, love, joy, peace and compassion.
I trust in God, accept my destiny and filter every thought and emotion through this filter of love, joy, peace and compassion."
Sweet dreams Amir & Matt Joons.
Uncle eh
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday The 13th
Well, it's finally Friday and I'm going to start my new Chemotherapy today...very exciting! I already took 2 pills and am going into Dr. B's office at 2pm for the IV portion...this is a new Chemo we're trying (once per week) after some more biopsies and genotyping came back with new medication that can be helpful to my healing.
I'm very optimistic and although the Doc says this time around I'm more than likely going to loose my hair, I'm excited to start the new Chemo and accelerate my healing process...who needs hair right,...it's just vanity after all, and that's why they make hats these days :-)
My plan of action:
1) To have fun with it
2) Imagine all the medicine going into my body to be helpful and good for the mind, the soul, and the body!
3) Keep hydrated
4) Heal baby HEAL!!!
LOVE
I'm very optimistic and although the Doc says this time around I'm more than likely going to loose my hair, I'm excited to start the new Chemo and accelerate my healing process...who needs hair right,...it's just vanity after all, and that's why they make hats these days :-)
My plan of action:
1) To have fun with it
2) Imagine all the medicine going into my body to be helpful and good for the mind, the soul, and the body!
3) Keep hydrated
4) Heal baby HEAL!!!
LOVE
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
The First Few Weeks
So I never dived deep into the few weeks before my cancer detection and how I actually came to realize what's going on...well here we go:
It was early 2010 and I had just come back from a 3 month work/pleasure trip to Germany and excited to start my consulting career for the company here in the US...for some reason though I kept getting sick - first a cold; then bronchitis; and then...strep throat (no I didn't kiss anyone to get it!)...somehow my immune system was just acting unusual...then one morning around 6am (my then usual time to wake up for a coffee n jog) I felt like a knife had gone into my belly and I was about to throw up every/anything that was inside of me...luckily nothing came up :-) but from then on I was accompanied by a stomache ache that wouldn't let go.
Obviously my first thought was food poisoning as the night before I hosted Dai Amean n Anne-joon for a Mexican dish night and well...I ain't Mexican...they were OK though (and I still wasn't Mexican), but the damn stomach ache kept on aching...
A few days later I went to my doc and he gave me the usual "I don't know what's happening with you" speech...first it was the strep throat antibiotics I had used...the it was a lack of pro-biotics in me...then it was acid reflux...makes me feel like sometimes doctors just guess at things, and prescribe drugs for the fun of it - like 'lets see what side effect this guy will have when mixing Viagra and Cialis' (no my libido is just fine...thank you very much!)
This PhD guessing game went on for a few weeks and during the time I took it on my own to try some non-prescribed methods of healing as well...obviously being part of the binary generation I consulted the mighty Google gods first and diagnosed myself with having an ulcer...acid reflux...monthly cramps...etc...hah...imagine me at CVS Pharmacy at 8am buying "colon-aid...nobody told me what it's supposed to do, but it had "Aid" in the name - so why not try it for a stomach ache...
Actually the only thing that was effective at all was exercise and hanging out with Rebecca...my body became balanced (90% of the time) when I exercised and 100% of the time when I shared the amazing company of Rebecca (which always involved the gym, jogging, soccer, kung-fu, tai-chi, soccer-tennis, tennis, etc...)...so I exercised...ran, swam, lifted weights, etc at least 2x every day...this though was just a short remedy for an ache that keps moving and spreading...
Finally after a few weeks of no answers from my doctor (and now a lack of trust in Persian non-family related doctors) I got some great advice from the family advice giver...maman joon...and went to a GI specialist. By now my symptoms had gotten worse (obviously) so I was glad to get some real expert help from a trusted specialist Dr. H...he's fantastic! but he couldn't even figure out what was happening until...he asked me to go for a CAT/PAT scan...and BOOM! it was all clear now...I have cancer...what type?...a good one :-)...now lets start healing!
So good news / bad news...
The good news first - I know I have cancer and walking the path of healing and health...I don't know how long it will take, or if it will ever - but I'm optimistic and realize that NOW, this very moment is what my life is...so I choose to be happy...and I have found so much love around me that it makes my heart skip a beat sometimes.
For the bad - well I am going through a lot...A LOT...as a 31 yr old starting my own business it was probably the worse time for this to happen...but the bright side is that you 21 /31 /41 /51 /61 year olds reading my post might be able to have a moment of clarity about cancer and early detection...
At our age doctors discriminate...unless symptoms of a sickness fall into a special category they think that at this age we won't find cancer or other threatening challenges in our path...WRONG...if there's one thing I would like for all of you to be aware of is early detection and managing your docs to make sure they are giving you all the attention necessary...
OK, well that's how it happened, and through it all I have felt so many things...the best in life like falling in love with RN, realizing a mothers dedication, and feeling the love of family and loved ones gush into my heart...and I have felt the worst in life...but no need to get into that part...because life is good baby!
LOVE
It was early 2010 and I had just come back from a 3 month work/pleasure trip to Germany and excited to start my consulting career for the company here in the US...for some reason though I kept getting sick - first a cold; then bronchitis; and then...strep throat (no I didn't kiss anyone to get it!)...somehow my immune system was just acting unusual...then one morning around 6am (my then usual time to wake up for a coffee n jog) I felt like a knife had gone into my belly and I was about to throw up every/anything that was inside of me...luckily nothing came up :-) but from then on I was accompanied by a stomache ache that wouldn't let go.
Obviously my first thought was food poisoning as the night before I hosted Dai Amean n Anne-joon for a Mexican dish night and well...I ain't Mexican...they were OK though (and I still wasn't Mexican), but the damn stomach ache kept on aching...
A few days later I went to my doc and he gave me the usual "I don't know what's happening with you" speech...first it was the strep throat antibiotics I had used...the it was a lack of pro-biotics in me...then it was acid reflux...makes me feel like sometimes doctors just guess at things, and prescribe drugs for the fun of it - like 'lets see what side effect this guy will have when mixing Viagra and Cialis' (no my libido is just fine...thank you very much!)
This PhD guessing game went on for a few weeks and during the time I took it on my own to try some non-prescribed methods of healing as well...obviously being part of the binary generation I consulted the mighty Google gods first and diagnosed myself with having an ulcer...acid reflux...monthly cramps...etc...hah...imagine me at CVS Pharmacy at 8am buying "colon-aid...nobody told me what it's supposed to do, but it had "Aid" in the name - so why not try it for a stomach ache...
Actually the only thing that was effective at all was exercise and hanging out with Rebecca...my body became balanced (90% of the time) when I exercised and 100% of the time when I shared the amazing company of Rebecca (which always involved the gym, jogging, soccer, kung-fu, tai-chi, soccer-tennis, tennis, etc...)...so I exercised...ran, swam, lifted weights, etc at least 2x every day...this though was just a short remedy for an ache that keps moving and spreading...
Finally after a few weeks of no answers from my doctor (and now a lack of trust in Persian non-family related doctors) I got some great advice from the family advice giver...maman joon...and went to a GI specialist. By now my symptoms had gotten worse (obviously) so I was glad to get some real expert help from a trusted specialist Dr. H...he's fantastic! but he couldn't even figure out what was happening until...he asked me to go for a CAT/PAT scan...and BOOM! it was all clear now...I have cancer...what type?...a good one :-)...now lets start healing!
So good news / bad news...
The good news first - I know I have cancer and walking the path of healing and health...I don't know how long it will take, or if it will ever - but I'm optimistic and realize that NOW, this very moment is what my life is...so I choose to be happy...and I have found so much love around me that it makes my heart skip a beat sometimes.
For the bad - well I am going through a lot...A LOT...as a 31 yr old starting my own business it was probably the worse time for this to happen...but the bright side is that you 21 /31 /41 /51 /61 year olds reading my post might be able to have a moment of clarity about cancer and early detection...
At our age doctors discriminate...unless symptoms of a sickness fall into a special category they think that at this age we won't find cancer or other threatening challenges in our path...WRONG...if there's one thing I would like for all of you to be aware of is early detection and managing your docs to make sure they are giving you all the attention necessary...
OK, well that's how it happened, and through it all I have felt so many things...the best in life like falling in love with RN, realizing a mothers dedication, and feeling the love of family and loved ones gush into my heart...and I have felt the worst in life...but no need to get into that part...because life is good baby!
LOVE
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Well, I have to fill in again...
who am I on Amir's blog, any guess?!
Just a quick update, we are in LA at Talla's house (lucky Talla!). We came here for the 10th 2nd opinion! with a guru in UCLA to make sure he is getting all the care as he needs. Of course the Doctor was surprised by reading the file first and then meeting and talking to him. Can you guess why? The Doctor expected to meet a sick guy but he was impressed by how strong and healthy he is! More his body goes through the challenges, in reverse his soul is getting brighter and stronger. Yes, it's him that surprises all with his strong spirit and complete love of life. When I look into his eyes, I see a new Amir looking at me and telling me: Mom, don't worry I will be fine and I am ready to ROLL WITH ALL THE PUNCHES...
There were so many punches in past 2 weeks, in and out of hospital. The good news is fever stopped since last Saturday and he feels much better. Appetite is back and of course my healthy cooking is improving or he doesn't complain anymore. One day at the hospital a guitar player was playing and Amir invited me to dance with him. The next thing he decided to learn Guitar. Thanks to Cousin Kaveh who bought him a Guitar.
Support and love from all of you is amazing and overwhelming. What can I say except thank you all and keep us going with your love and prayers.
Maman Afsaneh
Just a quick update, we are in LA at Talla's house (lucky Talla!). We came here for the 10th 2nd opinion! with a guru in UCLA to make sure he is getting all the care as he needs. Of course the Doctor was surprised by reading the file first and then meeting and talking to him. Can you guess why? The Doctor expected to meet a sick guy but he was impressed by how strong and healthy he is! More his body goes through the challenges, in reverse his soul is getting brighter and stronger. Yes, it's him that surprises all with his strong spirit and complete love of life. When I look into his eyes, I see a new Amir looking at me and telling me: Mom, don't worry I will be fine and I am ready to ROLL WITH ALL THE PUNCHES...
There were so many punches in past 2 weeks, in and out of hospital. The good news is fever stopped since last Saturday and he feels much better. Appetite is back and of course my healthy cooking is improving or he doesn't complain anymore. One day at the hospital a guitar player was playing and Amir invited me to dance with him. The next thing he decided to learn Guitar. Thanks to Cousin Kaveh who bought him a Guitar.
Support and love from all of you is amazing and overwhelming. What can I say except thank you all and keep us going with your love and prayers.
Maman Afsaneh
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Mantra - AHA Moment
Zabane marg bebastimo, tars beshekastim
Be ghodratikeh nadarad shekast, bepayvastim
We are shutting out the voice of death and releasing all fears
Only believing in the infinite power that never fails
We are shutting out the voice of death and releasing all fears
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