There's no place like home...there's no place like home

I sit here in my brother’s room sharing one of the most profound life experiences with him.  After almost 15 months of a fierce battle with cancer, we have come to the end.  The end that my brother spent months fearing at first, then accepting, preparing for by “packing his backpack” and now welcoming with open arms. 

Dr. G, the family’s therapist/good friend gave us a book last week about the experiences that people go through during the end of life process.  We have been reading this book all week.  Amir especially enjoys it when I read it to him in an animated voice.  This may seem a bit odd to you (Amir’s blog follower) but the book has brought us all so much comfort and peace.  It has taken a lot of the uncertainty out of the equation of dying.  All of the stories are about how peaceful and calming the end of a life can be.  Most of the stories talk about visions that people have when they approach the point when it’s time to leave their current body and float to heaven.  Visions of deceased loved ones coming to them to guide them to heaven.  Well I have been listening to Amir’s comments during his transitioning process very closely and I can tell you this much…

I was hoping that Amir would have the same wonderful visions as the people in the book we read.  I wished and prayed to God that he would share in this experience because when I read him the stories, I could tell that he was intrigued by this phenomenon.  Well, he IS having the experience!

I believe that he sees an angel standing in the doorway to his room.  For the past couple of days he kept asking us “what’s her first name?”  We foolishly thought he was asking what his nurse’s first name was and as much as we said “it’s Nurse T.  Her first name is Nurse T.,” he just wasn’t satisfied.  He wants to know the angel’s first name.  I wish I knew it so I could tell him. 

A bit later he exclaimed that he sees Wolfie.  Wolfie was our dog we had when we were teens.  Amir loved this dog more than anything…probably even more than me!  We unfortunately had to give him away when we downsized to an apartment a few years after adopting Wolfie.   Amir was so broken up over it.  Even a decade after the fact he would still cry when I brought up Wolfie.  Well, Wolfie came to Amir in one of his visions and played with him.  It was really cute to see Amir exclaim “Doggie!  Doggie!”  I love seeing the surprise and joy in his face. 

The last and most profound vision he had today wasn’t a specific person or an object but a message that he wanted to communicate to my mother and me.  He kept repeating, “I have to go home.  I have to go home now.  I have to go home.”  He is telling us that God is calling him to come home.  I kept trying to reassure him that he is home and in his room.  Everything the book told me not to do.  Thankfully my mom was around and told him that she understands he has to go home and we are ok with him leaving us to go home.  It was a powerful moment.  I don’t have the words to explain it properly.  I don’t feel like I’m doing it any justice, but the best way to explain it is relief.  Relief that Amir is not scared or confused one bit.  He knows it’s time to go home and he is letting my mom and me know that he will be departing soon.  

Here are the facts people.  Amir has an amazingly happy life.  From the day he was born until the day he leaves, he will have a smile on his face.  When he was a baby, people used to say that his eyes smiled along with his lips.  I was the cranky kid who never smiled and he was my happy-go-lucky big bro.  Even now that he is really tired, and super low on energy, he manages to paste a beautiful little smile on his gorgeous face.  Once in a while, he will even sneak a kiss onto my cheek.   

He had 32 years of practice to be positive, optimistic, kind, courageous, driven, charismatic and an absolute fighter.  All the traits that carried him through his battle.  He has always been surrounded by people who absolutely love and adore him.  I have been doing his PR lately; returning texts and emails from his friends and family, and I can tell you, the kid has a huge fan base!

To my big brother…it’s been a beautiful life minus a handful of very difficult moments for you this past 15 months.  You are the best brother a girl could ever ask for.  Dad taught you from an early age that I was your "namoos" (sorry no English translation) and you protected me my entire life.  I owe you so much and am grateful for all the lessons you have taught me.  I'm lucky to have had you as my big brother for 30 years.  I love you more than words can describe and the thought of not having you physically in my life is so painful that I can hardly bare it but Boopie  It’s time to go home Brody (yet another nickname).  Catch you on the flip side.

Followers of Amir’s blog, please help us by praying that Amir easily navigates his way home.  

Life's a Bitch

Some say coming to this world is like a big SMACK on your BUTT, followed by a lot of small smacks to teach you life lessons.  The problem is the more you learn, the more you have to learn here and there…it never stops! And the beauty of it is, we have the opportunity to learn together as a GROUP.  We have the ability either to learn with ease now or with difficulty later. Let me tell you back in high school cliff notes were my best friends (a short cut to read those fat books) but I couldn’t find any short cuts for learning the lessons in the book of life yet, did you?!?

Through time and experience, I learned either we have to read it and learn it patiently within the group or getting another smack in the butt.

Now let me tell you about the group. I think that we move in/out like a group of pack animals. We’re coming and living in this world together, helping each other in getting smacked less.

YOU ARE MY GROUP, with each of you I learned something and in return I taught you something…I hope you remember ;-)

A short list of what I’ve learned:

1-     Be content

2-     Just BE

3-     No one has answers to everything and not everything has an answer

4-     Keep up your smile and help others to smile

5-     If somebody prevents you from learning, just run-away. Some people can keep you stuck and waste your time

6-     If it’s not making you happy or content, don’t do it

7-     Life is a bitch, but looovvve that bitch

Let’s keep this list going, love you all.

A/J