12 hour workday

Gooooood morning Team Amir!  I hope you're well.  Ever since I was an engineering student I became a fan of 12 hour workdays...Back then my 12 hour work days consisted of school/labs, work, more school, and then some aloha time either in the pool, surf, or with friends n' family.

Then when I graduated and moved to LA the 12 hour work days were essential for me to succeed in the cut throat world of emerging media and business development....of course I always tried to have the balance with soccer, yoga, and fun times with my loved ones...well now that I'm a 1 of only10 found members of a rare cancer (seriously approx 10 documented cases have ever been discovered...cool eh :-) ) I again discover that the 12 hour work day still exists, n' it ain't that bad...

Yesterday I went in for happy hour numero dos - that means my second chemo therapy...I started the day as any other day when my mom and I are planning on doing something in the am...the Persion Version...and as you know we do it a little different in Persion Version...we woke up and had breakfast and left the house about 20 minutes after the time we were supposed to be at our destination....luckily Joanna and the ladies of 7 West were in good spirits - as usual - and didn't give me a hard time...actually they all gave me a hug instead...who knew cancer could get you chicks :-)

Soooo... fast forward to about 11am and I'm plug n' play...my port is in full motion and Jozilla already plugged in today's first cocktail directly to my chest...so at this point my daily strategy was in full force.  I've always been a fan of healing through the powers of the divine n universe - checkout my family's non-profit healingpaq.org)

....and today instead of asking for healing energy for myself, first I asked for healing energy for the liquids going into my body - fucking genius...the theory is that the juice is gonna get cooked up with healing energy and when it goes into my body - damn it feels better than a redbull vodka or a Patron silver on ice!

As there were other patients in the room, my Dai E. and I started playing with them as well...asking for energy for their cocktails too...and funny enough the two roomies who came in with frowns, turned them upside-down in no time...and after they were done ran outa' there with a spring in their step...good job guys...

So the day went by and as the juices kept flowing...fast forward to my oldest friend Jason E. coming to visit...the spiritual leader of 7 West having an awesome talk with us...RN coming over after work...and 2 sets of nurses changing on me...and then it's 7pm...damn 7 pm and I'm only 1/3 through happy hour...gotta man-up and drink more....it's Friday night and Sex & the City 2 just came out and the girls are excited to go see it...hah as if you can get tix the first night...better luck buying those Chimmi Choo shoes you've had your eye out on ladies :-)

So by the time 10pm came around I felt like I went to war and back...wounded and victorious....my stomach hurt, head ached, fingertips were numb, and I had a feeling there was a "kick me" sign drawn on my forehead while I napped for the last hour or so...

Going home felt good...and the day was really productive...I did work...saw some friends...helped heal myself and others...and I made a friend with a new nurse that Dai E. has a total crush on - lets see how I can make this work to my benefit :-)

And best of all the MMarijuana is really helping keep things down....everything is coming out of the right hole...and this morning I feel awesome...

OK time for some meditation, and then get ready for the 9:30 yoga class with moms and RN.

NJOY and Smile :-)

Day drinking - Happy Hour #2

So here we are at the bar - a 2 bed + 1 lazy chair room at Scripps 7 West...this place seems more familiar to me and the fam than most other places in SD  - naturally after a few visits throughout the past few years for various people and reasons will do that to you...by the way I took the lazy boy chair!

So I have a few roomies today for this event, there's a cool older gentelman who looks like he's been here a few times before but still is as nervous as a slut trying to act like a virgin at the prom. 

Then there's Juan - your unassuming hispanic grandpa who's probably had an amazing life coming here...I'm thinking gun slinging soccer pro-am from Ensanada who used to run with the mob, but now escaped with his love (the mob boss's little sister) to come to the US and start a life, then get the unassuming C card thrown at him like a bad yellow card decision by the ref....91 minutes into the match...booo...

My closest and dearest friends know me as the one who rather first play a soccer game or go surf on a Friday after work before the sun sets and then go join the usual suspects for some drinks, stinks, and hazy memories! who knew the guy who was always against starting happy hours after work before dark would be in 7West at 9am for a few cocktails...At least I have Jozilla as my private nurse...she's been my angel since I came to 7 West and love her energy...we collaborate well together...OK next I'm gonna go plug n' play with this port in my chest. 

Today's intention is to help energize the chemo cocktails they give me so that it's vibrating at the right frequency when it enters my body....Yahoo!

What I learned from Mr. Miyagi

Any hot blooded kung-fu fan from the 80's will remember Mr. Miyagi and his infamous wax on wax off philosophy, and some others like "We make sacred pact. I promise teach karate to you, you promise learn. I say, you do, no questions" and "Go, find balance. - Banzai, Daniel-san."

Well tonight, the night before I go in for my Chimo happy hour number 2 I've started to prepare myself mentally for the healing war.  This is an ongoing process which consists of shaving my head (think Mr. Clean - Persian Version), lots of meditation and a yoga class (and as soon as my port is healed a nice dip into the ocean...and not to forget some type of fave food category.

Tonight with the MMerijuana fresh in my blood stream I started munchy-ing for some (BAD) good Chinese food and where else to turn when you need good greasy Chines food but to good'ol trusty Panda Express.

Now keep in mind that I am becoming reconnected with my body and its new needs so many of the heart stopper grease balls I used to enjoy stuffing my face with (orange flavored chicken, spicy meat, port...and more spicy stuff) just doesn't cut it...but with Marry Jane was on my side tonight so I went for it...

The dinner was glorious, I ate with my mom and girlfriend (who came to SD to see me and let me enjoy her kiss one more time before HH2 as I won't be able to kiss, etc for a few days after) and enjoyed hearing about their day and funny work stories...even better when I'm feeling irie eyed :-)

Now the dinner was over and my traditional prayer and reach for the fortune cookie was on its way...yes many of you know me to be very spiritual and I give thanks for many daily activities, so with no further adu' I gave thanks in my mind's eye and reached for the right fortune cookie...broke the eF'er open and to my surprise the fortune said....nothing...not a damn thing...there was no fortune inside!

Now here's where Mr. Miyagi comes in...Mr. Miyagi can be almost anyone, a mentor, a leader, a teacher, or a friend with wisdom....and this time I became my own old friend/mentor/teacher with some unconventional wisdom...

So here's what the fortune-less cookie means to me, it means that my future and good fortune (as always) is in my hand and I can do with it as I please...I never needed a Chinese proverb facotry based in Compton, CA to tell me my fortue - because such fortune is only in your thoughts, not the true fortune you make for yourself.

With this new knowledge I feel that my Hakka - style preperation for tomorrow's event is complete and I'm happy. 

My fortune is what I make it and what I will make is a healthy life with full of fortune and fortunate.
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Alright boys and girls - tomorrow I'll be live blogging from the lovely 7West hospital floor where the day's activities will consist putting some interesting things in my body and hopeing I won't glow in the dark afterward....till then smile and I love you Bilirubin.

Cancer is my gift

Weird to think this way, but since I found out I have cancer I see things differently.  Now my favorite thing to do is to wake up early in the morning just as the sun is rising and sit n' listen...listen to the trees dance, to the birds sing, and feel the sun kiss my brow when she comes up to from the green to greet the day...it's almost as if I can feel every part of this world working together in simple and loving harmony and with no stress.

I also find the old natural human acts to be much more in-tune with my self.  So when I kiss - I can't help but to kiss like it's my first and my last kiss (ever).  When I smile and say I love you - I really mean it EVERY time (every time) and when I hug - when I hug I hold on for a mili-second longer.

Although I'm still in an emotional roller-coaster my environment, family and the love around me has allowed me to look at my cancer as a gift...Thank you cancer and I love you bilirubin.

Smile :-) Amir

The Ice House

Soooooo....funny story...in my wildest dreams I never thought I'd have to go to the ice house...aka sperm bank at age 31 and put my boys on ice :-)  Well, with my chemo happy hours one of the side effects is that my boys might become a bit (more) retarded...so I thought it a god idea to go ahead and drop off the kids for a few months...

A very dear friend and mentor of mine - who asked not to be named here (Vahe!) was gracious enough to take me there and it was like a scene from a b-rated movie.  I stepped into the office where Eric a very handsome and VERY gay nurse smiled and welcomed us in with the rest of the guys that had a "oh shit do I know this guy" look on their faces...and by that...I mean no man in his right mind wants to be waiting at the sperm bank and see someone he knows come in there...

The whole process was actually very simple - I walked in and filled out some paperwork - gay Eric took me into this tiny little man-cave where he shows me a couple "man mags" and a tiny TV with some select porn...um...I'm from the internet age, why not just let me take my iPhone in with me so I can at least have some good material dude!...then he starts telling me about what I need to do...as if I haven't been prepping for this moment since I was 12! HAH!!!Something you should know about the sperm bank is that they have no lube! WTF!!! and gay Eric actually called it a "dry run"...I think he's coined that all on his own.

So I did what I had to do and walked away a proud owner of 6 vials of sperm...and that's it all done...wait almost forgot...one of the funnies parts of this experience was the fact that the sperm bank wanted to know who my sperm next of kin will be as in "who will be the owner of your sperm if you don't make it"...well first is my family - but if they suddenly disappear - Vahe I hope you enjoy the boys my friend :-)

Welcome to my first blog and 2nd week with stage 4 cancer...I love you Bilirubin...

Hello and I hope you are having a fun joyful time flowing in the divine river of love, peace, compassion, and life.

So till now there's a lot of holes in my memory.

Last thing I truly recall was my last week in Redondo Beach happy, healthy, exercising every day ... and dealing with a bad stomach ache....then boom...change...real life, fear, hospital, drugs, haziness, vomiting, chemo, and a smile.

I'll try to put the pieces together until today (5/25) in the next few days...it will be easy all I have to do is ask my mom, sister, uncle and girlfriend whom have all been there next to me since C-day!

Thank you god and here's the smile.


Amir