RN: My first post as AIC (Angel in Charge)

When you begin to a new relationship, you always want to put your best face forward…..at least until the other person likes you enough to be introduced to the more human, slightly less perfect version of you. We spend time picking out our most flattering outfits, make sure we are showered, primped and picture perfect. It’s why we don’t order salads on a first date….in fear that later you may have an unidentifiable green mess stuck between your canines.


And we also would like to have the other person believe that we’re a bit like Barbie and Ken…..and that we don’t ever have bodily functions. It’s why you avoid the spicy beans in fear of uncontrolled flatulence. Or the first time you use the bathroom at your potential boyfriend or girlfriend’s house…..you wish the walls had interior insulation. At the very least, you run the water when you…..as Amir would say….”drop off the kids”. Or hopefully, you can hold it until you leave the date and are in the privacy of your own home. Or even a nearby McDonalds would be preferable to having the other person hear you.

Cancer changes all of that.

Afsaneh remarked that this is like a flashback to 30 years ago. As a new mother to baby Amir, she spent the first year of his life very interested in the frequency, consistency and color of his baby poop. And now, that interest has been renewed.

I on the other hand, was never interested in the bladder or bowel movements of my two younger brothers…..past being really irritated when one of them peed in my face while I was changing his diapers…..or being grossed out when they didn’t flush in our shared bathroom….or tattling to my mom when they didn’t wash their hands afterwards.

Now, embarrassment about bodily functions is my last thought. When Amir burps, my first question is whether it’s a good burp (releasing pressure) or a bad burp (painful, acidy). When he has flatulence (yes, the need to fart), it’s something to celebrate because it releases painful pressure. Not to mention, we can’t help laughing after a fart in the middle of our hospital suite tai chi session…..and really, laughter is the best medicine.

I don’t have to worry about him having peed on the seat when I use his in-suite bathroom as he’s peeing into a “duck”…..a duck shaped urinal jug that gets hung on the back of the toilet so he can save his urine for the nurses to see. And record (everything gets recorded….down to how much he eats and drinks). So it’s become ritual that whenever I use the bathroom, I check, and of course comment on, the color and amount of liquid in the duck.

Urine….the most basic of bodily functions. No pee equals dehydration. This past week, after chemotherapy, Amir was dehydrated and his sister Talla brought him to the ER so he could be hooked up intravenously to receive liquids (saline). Depending on how well the liver is doing, or how well Bili the bad Kid is behaving results in very different shades of urine (none of which colors you’d want to paint your living room walls in). The nurses are able to translate these hues and consistencies and we’re asking lots of questions. Pretty soon, Amir will have a certificate in Urine Analysis.

A side note and slight disclaimer about myself…..if you couldn’t tell from reading so far….I’m probably not the girliest of girls when it comes to delicate matters like bodily functions …... I grew up quite a tomboy, lived on a farm and the breeding and slaughter found in nature (and man’s interaction with it) was part of life on the farm. My father is a fisherman and they often spend several days on the boat in open sea during a black cod or salmon trip. On these trips, their toilet was a bucket which you perched precariously over amidst the rocking motion of the waves.

I mucked the barn out (shoveling cow poop)……though definitely less then my brothers. We used to play in the fields and occasionally threw dried cow pies at each other. When I was a teenager and my baby brother was a toddler and I was helping my mom with potty training, the book “Everybody Poops” was a favorite. So rather than having an aversion to discussing the intimacy of our bodies waste removal process, I probably have a healthier than normal interest. Especially when learning to translate them gives me an insight to the health and physical wellbeing of someone I love.

Anyone who has spent any length of time on pain meds knows that they are a recipe for constipation. And when your body is already dealing with other issues and your focus is healing, the last thing you want to worry about is feeling uncomfortable because you can’t have a bowel movement. Two weeks ago, there was one of these situations. And Amir, never wanting to inconvenience anyone, finally relented to let me make a CVS run at 11:30 p.m.

You can reference his post “Who wants pizza, please hold the enema”……and I won’t embarrass Amir more then I already have. Let’s just say RN doesn’t stand for Registered Nurse in this instance. The enema process was a first for both of us……and it’s something we’ll probably continue to look back and laugh about just as much as we laughed about it that evening. After that, I’ll never be bothered if he forgets to flush!

Amir was a bit self-conscious initially of the drainage bags in his new hole-y appearance. But when it was my turn to be AIC (Angel in Charge) of him for the weekend, I was pretty fascinated and couldn’t help giving him a mini-history lesson in how leaching was used to balance the internal elements of blood and bile during medieval times. Or continually compare the color of bile secretions collecting in the bag to whatever food or drink they reminded me of…..pea soup, wheatgrass, honey mustard sauce. Obviously, it takes a lot to make me lose my appetite.

And now, on to another to another part of the body……grooming. It’s time for our third round of head shaving. We’re reshaping the Mohawk. And nothing says trust like allowing another person around your head, ears and neck with a razor.